If the Gay Community Were Like the Trans Community

"I have something important to tell you. About myself."

"Go on. I'm your friend. Whatever it is, you can tell me, and I'll support you."

"I'm ... I'm a homosexual."

"That's not real."

"What?"

"Yeah, back in the eighties some bigoted Canadian psychologist made up this theory of so-called homosexuality, but it's been thoroughly debunked. You can't be a homosexual, because homosexuality doesn't exist. You're clearly just gay."

"... uh. O-kay. Um. So, what does being gay consist of, in your view?"

"You know, speaking in a lisp, liking fashion, being in intimate relationships with other men—"

"Right! Okay! Stop there! So, that part about being in intimate relationships with other men. Why do you think gay guys do that?"

"Why, they're expressing their identities as gay men, of course."

"They're ... expressing their identities."

"Yes."

"And what does an 'identity' consist of, exactly?"

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, that, um. I think the reason gay men form intimate relationships with other men is, um, related to their sexuality."

"Oh, of course! But that's a mere effect of their gay identities! Surely you're not claiming that gay men are gay because they're sexually attracted to men."

"Um. Actually, I am saying that."

"What? How dare you invalidate people's identities like that?! Why, you're not gay at all! You're just some kind of pervert with a fetish for men! Well, I'm sorry, I can tolerate anything except intolerance—we are no longer friends!"

"But—"

"Get away from me, you bigot!"

"But, but—"

"Hate speech! Someone call the police! Hate speeeeeech!"