-[TODO: description of my college purgatory (being in school, while constantly denouncing it in an ideological), but keep it brief because the readership doesn't care about autobiography ... link to math_page_1.jpg
-the trauma of having no function other than to obey; that's why actual work didn't feel oppressive
-]
+Ironically, in the inferno of shame over having betrayed my mandate to the University, my attitude towards school flipped practically overnight. I had never been the most _diligent_ student, but I had mostly accepted the duty of getting an "education": I didn't always do my homework, but when I didn't, I at least felt guilty about it. But suddenly, the difference between schooling-as-education and actual _learning_ became distinct. I had _always_ been a voracious reader; for years, I had been filling little pocket notebooks with my own thoughts—clearly, school itself couldn't take credit for everything I knew. I took a leave of absence from the University and went back to my (previously, "summer") job at the supermarket, with the intention of being an explicit autodidact. I had always learned from books "in passing", in my "free time", but now I would give it the full force of my _legitimate_ effort—it wasn't "leisure" anymore; it was my _actual_ work.