+Vaniver mentions Said saying "sure, Eliezer doesn't post here anymore, but that's bad for Eliezer too."
+1 Jan 20: the red phone / state of Church leadership
+feeling more optimistic about not needing to finish the memoir—or giving it a happy ending
+"If that's all I have, then it's all I can honestly love"
+playing on a different chessboard
+he hasn't given up on his Wizard's art, but he has, after painful experience, like the Roko affair, given up on sharing it with the public
+me and Michael and Jessica were counting on him to uphold standards of discourse rather than chess
+we don't get to know the real Eliezer Yudkowsky; all we can ever know is what we can infer from the words you type—and if that's all we have, then it's all we can honestly love. If the algorithm that determines which subset of your thoughts reaches us changes—then as far as we or the rest of the world can tell, it's as if you've changed.
+2 Jan: Michael—I can't work with you if you are accepting Eliezer's schedule instead of ours. That's being political and on his side!
+my memoir as a decision-theoretic weapon
+my sense of opportunity perceives me playing a useful political role without me being unambiguously on this "side"?
+The reason I got wrapped up in this civil war was becuase of this one thing; therefore I'm now at peace with Scott
+I'm more trustworthy if I'm not perceived as Michael's pawn
+3 Jan: Michael—
+> I strongly prefer judge functions over coalition functions, so far as we can cause those to apply!!!
+> The challenge is to apply judge functions in a context where there is no recognition of a right to call the litigants into a court.
+now that Scott is legally in the clear, my recourse is polite blog posts, and not police actions like cussing him out in public
+Same thing about being complicit with psychiatry (morally suspect, but my only allowable recourse is to write polite critical blog posts).
+Jessica—being complicit with psychiatry
+I'm too submissive to psychologically maintain more than one vendetta at a time, so if I'm currently angry about the philosophy of language, then psychiatry must be OK because I don't have any anger resources left.
+4 Jan: Twitter fight with Ben
+a shouty equilibrium rather than the colluding-to-wirehead-each-other equilibrium that we see in Berkeley
+4 Jan: Ben thinks I'm no longer interested in creating clarity
+memoir is a nuke
+5 Jan: Ben—the fact that I think the memoir is an act of war, even privately (insofar as my motivation to work on it vanished when I got concessions) means I've ceded the inside of my own mind to the forces of anticlarity
+my reply: I've ceded the internal of my own mind to Eliezer Yudkowsky in particular
+5 Jan: using "central" allows mis-definition by mobs of obfuscators
+5 Jan: I am confident that finishing writing it will be clarifying and cathartic for you even if you decide not to publish, and would be an excellent use of time
+5 Jan: me—vocabulary itself is a surprisingly expensive captial investment
+5-8 Jan: baiting Steven to talk to Jessica about global warming
+9 Jan: arguing with Jessica about "developmental sex" and natural categories
+10 Jan: binary vectors
+10 Jan: "isn't meant to force you into agreement here on pains of losing face"
+15 Jan: more Twitter/email fighting about "people's philosopher"
+15 Jan: the same _interest_ is being defended whether I'm speaking up for my own order or someone else's
+16 Jan: Without you, my smartest critic is Ozy, but my self-criticism is smarter than Ozy, so it was like having no critics at all.
+16 Jan: do you think you could explain this in a way Said would find satisfying?
+18 Jan: Yudkowsky on Caplan: https://www.econlib.org/scott-alexander-on-mental-illness-a-belated-reply/#comment-237783
+21 Jan: still have this "Vassar Group vs. Corrupt Mainstream MIRI/CfAR/LW/EA rationalist civil war" framing in my head that I need to unwind, because it's the wrong frame, and it's ironically the wrong frame by our ("our") own standards. I already made the mistake of expecting a community once, but by now I should know that no Lord hath the champion, and no safe defense. There is no group; there is no community; there are just grown-ups who think for themselves (or ought to) and sometimes coordinate with their friends on those specific plans that actually require coordination.
+I indicate I might enter the Caplan-Alexander debate (I don't actually)
+25 Jan: Said thinks Jessica's political thinking is vague and under-researched
+27 Jan: Anna has to ("has to") let both me and Ziz down because big-tent coalitions require incoherence (e.g., progressives prefer not to admit out loud that trans people and Muslims have conflicting interests).
+27 Jan: Vassar's trans reversal—lame
+1 Feb: sleep disruption due to M.M.B. situation
+1 Feb: I reply to Scott on "AGP is common", and M.M.B. situation
+4 Feb: you exist in the physical sense. To whatever extent your behavior is controlled by the balance of "not wanting to fight pro-trans people" and "not wanting to fight Zack", then you don't exist decision-theoretically.
+6 Feb: me to Anna on fog of war and MMB
+(the conversation with Somni is relevant)
+12 Feb: "I'm a girl and I'm a vegetarian"
+23 Feb: connection with Iceman
+23 Feb: discussion on meaning of "zero-sum"
+25 Feb: I'm still talking about finishing writing a memoir
+28 Feb: "belief check" conversation with Jessica on origin of trans ideology
+3 Mar: Scott's new COVID-19 post is great on the "shared maps" issue! https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/03/02/coronavirus-links-speculation-open-thread/ in contrast to how last month he was acting like he didn't understand the problem https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/01/30/book-review-human-compatible/#comment-847143 https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/yaCwW8nPQeJknbCgf/free-speech-and-triskaidekaphobic-calculators-a-reply-to/comment/mHrHTvzg8MGNH2CwB
+4 Mar: niche skill of being able to translate between high-church Yudkowskyism and Vassarian moonspeak
+9-10 Mar: talk to Mom/Nicole about COVID prep
+22 Mar: ping Jack for social call ("You seem a lot more vicious than the sixteen-or-whatever-year-old I remember meeting at a Less Wrong meetup back in '13-or-whatever, but it looks adaptive")
+31 Mar: I'm skeptical of Eli as a mediator between me and Anna
+"Human Diversity" review published
+I've discovered that you can just stop being scared of things and then nothing bad happens. All swans are white! There are no other swans!
+24 May: Jessica on high-precision claims
+24 May: Anna seems to be regaining power of speech (Facebook post on U.S. decline)
+2 Jun: I send an email to Cade Metz, who DMed me on Twitter
+25 Jul: rubber-duck philosophy for "Unnatural Categories"!!
+4 Sep: misguided by the hideousness of our weapons?! or, theory of universal algorithmic bad faith
+runaround argument about free speech that never gets anywhere, possibly because of a bug on my end
+in principle, "What if telling the truth about X has bad consequences?" is an empirical question that could be asked in good faith and, having been asked in good faith, deserves a good-faith answer
+in principle, I don't believe people are asking it in good faith; I think it's a weapon of psychological warfare
+our most recent Less Wrong exchange. I characterized you as being on "Team Seek Power For The Greater Good". You explained why that's not a fair characterization. I explained why selectively omitting evidence is a problem. You explained that you only advocate omitting things that will make the audience respond irrationally, not omitting everything that would be inconvenient to the case.
+I don't think that thread was a good showing for me: if we apply the principle of charity to my behavior, we would say I was a bit slow on the uptake, forcing a four-comment thread to restate things that had already been covered previously.
+I'm better modeled as trying to humiliate him or waste his time
+... I still don't understand how to engage with it
+"I'm curious what evidence changed your mind" is still a counter-weapon
+13 Sep: out of patience
+13 Sep: me to Anna—focusing on my email to Yudkowsky is more important than entering the Facebook comments
+Anna asks me to be calm, high in denotation
+14 Sep: the end of the Category War
+suspect Ben will be sad that I'm "bought off", but I think not being at war makes it easier for me to do clarity-creation, in the spirit of "Here's what the thing is actually doing" rather than "flames on the side of my face"
+21 Sep: me to Don Fallis—the argument over whether merely withholding information is deception reminds me of arguments over distortion: it's not surprising that the answer takes the form "it depends on the zero point" rather than "Extoriton: Yes or No"
+25 Sep: anticipating that people are going to (not entirely inaccurately?! :'( ) round off everything I say as being backchained from my gender war, which makes the fact that Ziz totally agrees with us (about the Bay eating our culture and our people) very reassuring https://sinceriously.fyi/cached-answers/#comment-897
+still this urge to prevent the old beacon from eating people who don't know what it's doing
+maybe my razzing him about the Human Compatible review (https://slatestarcodex.com/2020/01/30/book-review-human-compatible/#comment-847143) was causal in his COVID shared maps thing—maybe this entire line of thinking is still poison: thinking about my effects on Scott in particular (as if he were special, which he's not)
+3 Oct: Do the smart-leftists feel contempt for all the retarded children, or do they just not-notice them as being worth paying attention to (the way I seamlessly don't-notice ordinary Trump voters)?
+1 Nov: knowledge boostrapping with EvN
+4 Nov: destructive creature Olympics
+25 Nov: me to Michael—I think your reputation (in the jungle growing around the ruins of what we once called the "rationalist community") has some amount of instrumental value
+25 Nov: "No reputation in the jungle" meaning that people are just going to praise or throw you to the wolves depending on the expediency of the moment's shifting alliances, rather than there being any way to gain or retain standing for being Actually Good?
+25 Nov: notes from conversation with Michael
+in lawful environments, your reputation is by default true
+in lawless environments, bad rep just means you're important enough to have enemies, which is good
+It's easy to move the conversation from what is going on to whose side are you on.
+There's a game of trying to build the largest coalition: previously, it was the European coalition, now the not-European coalition is ascendant. [ZMD's note: this reminds me of both NRx's https://spandrell.com/2017/11/14/biological-leninism/ and Ben's http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/hierarchy-wings/] We want to carve out a space for reason within the winning coalition.
+Reason is the motte and pragmatism is the bailey
+the officers vs. the enlisted; the enlisted claim to recommend the common people, the officers claim to represent the rich; both sides totally fake ideas
+Ziz is that least plausibly a girl of all trans girls, but by declaring a protected identity and having wealth, can just barely survive.
+my objection: but, but as part of the whole "Truth instead of expedient lies" part of rationality, don't we at least want Ziz to know that?!
+ I can operate for short periods in territory in which I only have the option of being a (closeted) trans woman—as an energy-minimizing play, to inhabit someone else's stereotype—but I can't live there, because that story makes no fucking sense
+Trauma is expecting coordination for evil to win, and causes you to be part of that coordination in a way that's minimally ego-dystonic.
+Surprise minimization means doing what you think that that they think that ... a free-energy constaint. If you're given a lot of "responsibility", you have to behave in a way that fulfills expectations, and eventually the only thing left is being bad in a stereotyped way that everyone knows how to expect—the type of conspiracy you can only get out of physics.
+By defying people's stereotypes, Shawanna imposes enormously large costs on cynical do-gooders, so they equalize the energy differential by imposing pragmatic costs on her.
+surpised that Ziz can't get a lawyer despite having money
+14 Dec: destructive creature Olympic, cont'd: It's great to have common knowledge of the mutual ability to interpret conditional statements literally! (Not something you can always depend on these days.)
+if Kelsey wrote her own 10,600 draft Document [...] that would be really interesting! [...] no one else seemed interested in having a theory, as opposed to leaping to institute a social convention that, when challenged, is claimed to have no particular consequences and no particular objective truth conditions, even though it's not clear why there would be moral urgency to implement this convention if it weren't for its consequences.
+I don't think the 19th-century Chinese who bound their daughters' feet, or the 18th-century Italians who castrated little boys to perserve their singing voice were innately less empathetic than us [...] How will history analyze the moral culture of 21st-century Californians?
+17 Dec: But parts of it felt like concern trolling as a cult-recruitment tactic? In caricature: "Your writing and research doesn't matter because there's no living audience out there; you can only talk to us." You can see why Dagny Taggart would perceive that as hostile?
+--- psych care disaster
+21 Dec: me to Anna—you either didn't hide it, or I noticed anyway. But if other people in the care coordination group had seized on that to turn against you and paint you (to me) as dangerous, that would have been bad for me (independently of whether or not it would have been fair to you), because the fact that you were there was vastly more helpful, than the fact that you didn't want to be there was unhelpful
+2 Jan 21: super-weird unsolicited mental/physical health email about blood sugar and sleep
+4 Jan: sleep strategy notes
+7 Jan: I've been distracted by the news (I told Anna that Wednesday was a scary news day—referring, of course, to OpenAI DALL-E
+Feb: New York Times hit piece on Scott
+18 Feb: my "incredibly shallow and transparently self-serving" reaction to Yudkowsky on Scott email leak
+22 Feb: Technically, he started it this time! I totally would have left him alone if he didn't kick the shitpile again!
+dude can't really expect to get away with pulling out the pompous-register "feelings don't get to control everybody's language protocol" in that context; that's _my_ line
+27 Feb: me to Marcus—Everyone who's read Scott's work deeply is completely unsurprised by the content of the leaked email
+28 Feb: "Are you trying to convince him, yourself or those watching?" Those watching, plus testing my acquired immunity to pompous-register Yudsplaining (which I used to psychologically vulnerable to, because in 2009, it was always right)
+28 Mar: block warning
+9 May 21: trapped priors—at home!
+ I think the effort asymmetry here is kind of hilarious, where it's not that hyperbolic to say I spent three years of my life (early 2018–early 2021) trying undo the cultural brain damage from that one post.
+when I talk to AI researchers like Abram Demski or John Wentworth, they get it instantly ...
+7 Jun: dolphin war
+https://twitter.com/zackmdavis/status/1402067999977132035
+9 Jun: I want to use the phrase "all-out nuclear war with MIRI", but that's just another expression of anger
+23 Jun: I am introduced to Slay the Spire
+28 Jun:
+> I hope you find a way to let go of your war.
+You know, this is awfully condescending! You wouldn't tell a transgender person who was transitioning, "I hope you find a way to let go of this."
+But when I, who no one even seems to doubt has the same underlying psychological condition (long story—I recently finished a 16,000-word essay explaining my thing), put in years of effort to counter what I'm claiming is disinformation about the counterintuitive true nature of underlying psychological condition, I get told to drop it. Why the double standard? If [...] feelings count, why don't mine?
+4 Jul: Independence Day party
+feeling scared about the Singularity
+6 Sep: final Twitter showdown
+2 Nov: It's a black mark, but let's be quantitative: the guy helped me a huge amount in 2017-2019 (long, separate story) for reasons that made sense to him, and he also hurt me a decently large amount in December 2020 for reasons that made sense to him. These things can both be true at the same time!
+13 Jan 22: blessing to speak freely, and privacy norms?
+---END