X-Git-Url: http://unremediatedgender.space/source?a=blobdiff_plain;f=content%2Fdrafts%2Fdoubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md;fp=content%2Fdrafts%2Fdoubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md;h=0000000000000000000000000000000000000000;hb=b85b36ecff1db34fd9e53d58cdd78706ae63830d;hp=e8ff15316a2c15a33183462c4fbde9bd49c0a6d9;hpb=9ef3518cacf99db890ceb819c94173e6ba906195;p=Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git diff --git a/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md b/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md deleted file mode 100644 index e8ff153..0000000 --- a/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md +++ /dev/null @@ -1,52 +0,0 @@ -Title: Hormones Day 154: Pulling the Plug; Or, Putting the "Cis" in "Decision" -Date: 2017-09-25 -Category: other -Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition, personal -Status: draft - -> Still, my relationships with women were decidedly odd. "What's it _like_ to have breasts?" I'd ask. "How does it _feel_?" It was a question women found baffling. -> -> "It doesn't feel like anything," one girl told me. "It feels like having an elbow, a nose, a toe. It just is." I couldn't believe she expected me to believe this. Of all the things I thought being female would feel like, _nothing_ wasn't an answer I had considered. -> -> —Jennifer Finney Boylan, _She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders_ - -It's _possible_ that this was a bad idea. - -It would be one thing if I was actually _noticing_ the emotional and sensory changes that a lot of trans women report. While the psychological effects of HRT (and therefore, the [activational effects](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organizational-Activational_Hypothesis) of hormones in normal people who _aren't_ fucking with their biochemistry) being large would be _bad_ news from the standpoint of my ideological/sentimental [hope that psychological sex differences are small](http://unremediatedgender.space/2017/Feb/a-beacon-through-the-darkness-or-getting-it-right-the-first-time/), at least I would get the consolation of getting to experience the other side for myself, the True Secret of Being Hormonally Female. At the same time, - ----- - - -my gynecomastia—my breasts? - -impact on dating - -"end of the line - -legitimacy is kind of a bad reason to be making medical decisions - - -not a terribly practical body part - -we'll see how I feel when my libido comes back - -genetic children - -every year or so I go through a phrase - -(any single cis women reading this, please email me) - -want to tell you - - - -Diary entry no. 318, 24 March 2009— - -> If it makes sense to speak of stripping away my autogynephila and my explicitly egalitarian-individualist ideology, would my very soul be revealed as male? - -(Editor's note: _yes_.) - -> And if so, what can I do about it? What violence could I inflict upon me to make me my _self_? -> -> I don't think I ever told you: someday it would be nice to experiment with some androgen-blocking drugs―you know, to see what it would feel like to be on them. But if I'm going to do something like that, it would be nice to have a better job and not be living with my parents―oh Diary, how it all hangs together! -