Okay, not _exactly_ the right body type. You know what I mean.
+<a href="/images/dax.jpg"><img src="/images/dax.jpg" width="240" style="float: left; margin: 0.8pc;"></a>
+
So I ordered some cheapo Sciences-division [uniform pajamas](https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01M056DXO/), thinking of going to some comics convention next year, but when I queried the Overmind in its gopher aspect for actual _Star Trek_ conventions, it turned out that there was one _that very weekend_ in the area. Online ticket sales had stopped, but allegedly "[a]vailable tickets [would] be on sale at the convention", and there was still time to upgrade my uniform order to one-day shipping.
The uniform I got (just the first suitable thing I found querying the Overmind in its Amazonian aspect; it would be possible to do better for more searching and money and shipping time) was problematic in that it's the [_TNG_-era design](http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Starfleet_uniform_(late_2360s-early_2370s)) _and_ has commander's rank pips, whereas Jadzia was a lieutenant when she last wore a _TNG_-era uniform and (spoilers!) [died](http://memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Tears_of_the_Prophets_(episode)) in 2374 as a lieutenant commander. I considered trying to play a post-series Dax who actually faked her own death (and got Dr. Bashir to use an experimental technique to copy the Dax symbiont's memories to Ezri Tigan), then later got promoted to commander and assigned to a different post where they still wear the _TNG_-era uniforms for some reason. But I decided that it would be simpler to just cover the third pip with electrical tape and play Lt. Dax in 2369, just before her reassignment to Deep Space Nine. (Beyond body type, at 28, I'm even just the right _age_ for this role, Jadzia having been born in 2341!)
I had gotten into the _Avatar_-verse due to a trans acquaintance of mine, who recommended _Last Airbender_, but I watched _Legend of Korra_ first, because the protagonist is a cool 17-year-old girl rather than [some lame 12-year-old boy](http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Aang).
-So I got a [premade costume](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EAI63JE/); I _basically_ managed to fit in the women's XL, despite busting some stiches in the back of the top when trying it on. Modulo my curls, I at least have the correct _hair_ for this role—if nothing else. I was a little bit nervous that someone in progressive "Republic City" [might take offense at](https://clutchmagonline.com/2015/10/dear-cosplayers-leave-the-blackface-alone/) my Maybelline 235 "Pure Beige" foundation being a few shades darker than my actual skin tone—although much fewer than if I were going for show-realism—but that turned out not to be an issue. (Somehow _just_ pretending to be female is OK—only I can't help but wonder what people might make of the 'race' tag on [some of my favorite blogs](/2016/Oct/exactly-what-it-says-on-the-tin/).)
+<a href="/images/korra_hairpiece.jpg"><img src="/images/korra_hairpiece.jpg" width="240" style="float: right; margin: 0.8pc;"></a>
-I guess I could have gone as Asami. I even endorse [one Tumblr user's headcanon that](http://rambleonamazon.tumblr.com/post/97980403389/you-know-whos-trans) we have something in common. (I like to imagine that the title of the [graphic novel continuation](http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Turf_Wars) was originally spelled as _TERF Wars_ before they decided to cut that subplot.)
+So I got a [premade costume](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EAI63JE/); I _basically_ managed to fit in the women's XL, despite busting some stiches in the back of the top when trying it on. Modulo my curls, I at least have the correct _hair_ for this role—if nothing else. I was a little bit nervous that someone in progressive "Republic City" [might take offense at](https://clutchmagonline.com/2015/10/dear-cosplayers-leave-the-blackface-alone/) my Maybelline 235 "Pure Beige" foundation being a few shades darker than my actual skin tone—although fewer than if I were going for show-realism—but that turned out not to be an issue. (Somehow _just_ pretending to be female is OK—only I can't help but wonder what people might make of the 'race' tag on [some of my favorite blogs](/2016/Oct/exactly-what-it-says-on-the-tin/).)
-![coffee and con event badge/instructions]({filename}/images/korra_coffee.jpg)
+I guess I could have gone as Asami. I even endorse [one Tumblr user's headcanon that](http://rambleonamazon.tumblr.com/post/97980403389/you-know-whos-trans) we have something in common. (I like to imagine that the title of the [graphic novel continuation](http://avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Turf_Wars) was originally spelled as _TERF Wars_ before they decided to cut that subplot.)
While waiting in line at a coffeeshop before the con, a woman complemented me on my lipstick and asked me what color it was, although I didn't remember (760 "Gone Griege", for the record). I was _beaming_.
+<a href="/images/korra_coffee.jpg"><img src="/images/korra_coffee.jpg" width="240" style="float: left; margin: 0.8pc;"></a>
+
I can imagine an actual aspiring trans woman receiving such a comment, and [interpreting it as confirmation](http://upandoutcomic.tumblr.com/post/166474292641/a-nice-lil-observation-if-you-enjoy-my-work) that she passes, complementing each other on their appearance just being something that women do. I had no such delusions; the woman was clearly humoring me, commenting in a spirit of communal good cheer surrounding a special event (rather than because she was actually curious about the lipstick color). It was nice.
The booth for signing up for the afternoon cosplay competition also offered signup for a speed-dating event later in the evening, an opportunity which I siezed eagerly. The staffer asked me if I wanted to sign up for a men's slot, or for the unsegregated "queer" session afterwards. I opted for the former ("Despite everything," I said).
I think another part of it is an intuition about—how do I put this? Not wanting to commit fraud?—or not wanting to commit _obvious_ fraud. The reason I'm so glad that [there's a word for the thing](/2017/Feb/a-beacon-through-the-darkness-or-getting-it-right-the-first-time/) that isn't "crossdresser" or "transvestite" is because it's not about the clothes; it's about wanting to actually have the body of the other sex. The clothes are just a prop. And the prop ... _noticeably doesn't work_. I don't pass; I have _never_ passed. My voice is wrong; my skeleton is wrong; my movement is wrong; my face continues to be wrong despite makeup. At least at Fanime (where everyone _and her dog_ is in costume) there's no pretense that the pretense is anything more than that. If you fool someone—if only for a moment—then great, but if not, then at least you're not fooling anyone about whether you're fooling yourself.
-I'm probably just _bad_ at crossdressing/cosplay? I've never put the kind of _effort_ into, say, a makeup tutorial the way I do for my intellectual endeavors. My Fanime costume was authored by the Amazon product recommendation algorithm: after adding the pink wig to my shopping cart, [the "Discover Related Products" sidebar picked out](/images/discover_related_products.png) the hoop skirt and the Mr. Universe tee from Episode 48 ["Story for Steven"](https://steven-universe.fandom.com/wiki/Story_for_Steven). (The sword in the photo illustrating this post is borrowed from another cosplayer cropped out-of-frame.) And unless I become more skilled, I feel like I've hit diminishing returns on conventions—like whatever I was going to get out the experience, I would have gotten either this time or one of the last six (previously: as Ens. Silvia Tilly at San Francisco Comic-Con 2018, as _Equestria Girls_ Twilight Sparkle at BABSCon 2018, [as Korra at San Francisco Comic-Con 2017](/2017/Oct/a-leaf-in-the-crosswind/), [as Pearl at FanimeCon 2017](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2017/05/gems-will-be-gems/), as [Lt. Jadzia Dax (circa 2369) at the _Star Trek_ 50 Year Mission Tour San Francisco 2016](/2016/Dec/joined/), [as Pearl as San Francsico Comic-Con 2016](/2016/Sep/is-there-affirmative-action-for-incompetent-crossplay/)).
+I'm probably just _bad_ at crossdressing/cosplay? I've never put the kind of _effort_ into, say, a makeup tutorial the way I do for my intellectual endeavors. My Fanime costume was authored by the Amazon product recommendation algorithm: after adding the pink wig to my shopping cart, [the "Discover Related Products" sidebar picked out](/images/discover_related_products.png) the hoop skirt and the Mr. Universe tee from Episode 48 ["Story for Steven"](https://steven-universe.fandom.com/wiki/Story_for_Steven). (The sword in the photo illustrating this post is borrowed from another cosplayer cropped out-of-frame.) And unless I become more skilled, I feel like I've hit diminishing returns on conventions—like whatever I was going to get out the experience, I would have gotten either this time or one of the last six (previously: [as Ens. Silvia Tilly at San Francisco Comic-Con 2018](/images/tilly_cosplay.png), as _Equestria Girls_ Twilight Sparkle at BABSCon 2018, [as Korra at San Francisco Comic-Con 2017](/2017/Oct/a-leaf-in-the-crosswind/), [as Pearl at FanimeCon 2017](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2017/05/gems-will-be-gems/), as [Lt. Jadzia Dax (circa 2369) at the _Star Trek_ 50 Year Mission Tour San Francisco 2016](/2016/Dec/joined/), [as Pearl as San Francsico Comic-Con 2016](/2016/Sep/is-there-affirmative-action-for-incompetent-crossplay/)).
<a id="tech-conference"></a>As far as other special events go, I'm flying out to Portland—the real Portland—tonight for a tech conference, and to visit friend of the blog [Sophia](/author/sophia/). You'd think a few days of vacation should do me good—I've been an psychological wreck all year (I mean, even more than my average year) over having accidentally catalyzed a civil war in my local robot cult—except that the same cultural forces that have subtly-yet-fatally corrupted my beautiful robot cult, just _own_ the open-source tech scene outright, which is likely to present a source of additional stress. The spirit of bravery that sings, [_I will fight for the place where I'm free—for the world I was made in_](https://genius.com/16627280), must subsist in a brain wracked by constant emotional pain that—sometimes—is just tired of fighting.
"Read more" breaks (problem: plugin for this uses fixed length cutoff)
self-promotion: Reddit, Crossdreamers, Third Way Trans
other image width
-more Korra cosplay photos??
even more fine-grained tag size?? (I tried this once and made it look worse :/)
Atom vs. RSS proper??
line at bottom of image links??