"it takes a little boldness" (check in)

Still not feeling the boldness to charge forward with the ms.?! But I
have to—and it shouldn't be a matter of needing to force it. It's just
a matter of not being evasive. I want a clear account of how I've
spent–wasted the last seven years of my life so that I can stop being
a vengeful ghost, so that I can close the loop and start thinking new
thoughts again. I want it! And I need to understand that the only way
to do that—the only way to get there—is by carefully thinking all the
old thoughts (like I've done all day every day for years) while Emacs
happens to be open.

I don't need to be self-conscious about my text being bad, because I'm
not publishing yet. Even if someone can dig through my Git history
(because I'm so ideologically opposed to privacy that a link to the
repository is just sitting there in the footer, in public, even if I'm
human enough to sometimes want privacy against self-consciousness)
... my network cable isn't even plugged in now! And it won't be until
Saturday night. And I can amuse myself with frivolties then, and it
will feel good. But for now—for three and a half days—I need to be
sitting here being honest with myself. While Emacs happens to be open.