drafting "What's My Motivation? Or, Hormones Day 7X"

digit X TBD depending on when I finish it (pray I need not alter the 7)

This is from the 3 July "Shut Up and Write" meetup.

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+Title: What's My Motivation? Or, Hormones Day 7X
+Date: 2020-01-01 
+Category: other
+Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition
+Status: draft
+
+Why am I doing this again?
+
+I'm not trans. I mean—I'm not _transitioning_. It _should_ be a trivial corollary of "Don't take other people's medicines": if you're transitioning to live as a woman, get on HRT. If you're not, _don't_. How could anyone get this wrong? Maybe the nonbinary folks would support me, but it seems a bit duplicitous to appeal to their authority given my views. A reader of this blog on 8chan says that my hormones expermient is "five steps beyond 'playing with fire' and more like 'directly throwing yourself on a fire'".
+
+But you only live once. Transitioning is absolutely out of the question for me: backwards-compatibility of social identity turns out to be really important to me (remind me to tell you later about my emotional trauma from the time I tried to switch to an ostensibly gender-neutral nickname and it didn't take), and in the absence of full-body transplants, I couldn't expect anyone to take that seriously. But this—_obsession_ with gender has been a _thing_ for me for a really long time. It's not going away. 
+
+
+legitimacy
+
+Sufficiently attentive readers of _The Scintillating But Ultimately Untrue Thought_ may have noticed that the day number in the title of this post isn't congruent with the 
+
+
+(The _starter_ in _starter dose_ is code-switching for _placebo_.)
+
+Really, the results so far are nothing to write home about—they're something to blog about I _guess_, but not if you want your blog to have readers. My libido is way down: . I think I'm starting to get a little bit of breast growth?—it's subtle.
+
+And ... that's it, as far as I can tell.
+
+risks of looking too weird, hurts socially; hurts finding a partner
+
+Or the man who, trying to split the difference between getting the girl and being the girl, achieved neither.