Title: Multi-Product Review: Various AGP Erotic Aids; and, Implications for Society
-Date: 2023-01-01
+Date: 2022-11-26
Category: commentary
Tags: autogynephilia, review (product)
Status: draft
One of the disappointing things about breastforms is that they're [noticeably—not actually part of your body.](/2017/Sep/hormones-day-156-developments-doubts-and-pulling-the-plug-or-putting-the-cis-in-decision/#first-breastforms) There is an _edge_ between the form and your actual chest.
-In contrast, this bodysuit featuring fake breasts _and_ a fake vulva, all in one piece, seemed like an appealing thing to try out. Compared to breastforms, the bodysuit promised to offer both a "bottom" experience, and, not a more _seamless_ transformation on "top", but rather, to put the seams in a potentially less conspicuous location (at the neck/arms/legs, rather than on the chest where they interfere with the illusion of actually having breasts).
+(One could _argue_ that I sort of have breasts in real life now, if you were gullible and generous to count the male gynecomastia from my five-month [HRT experiment](/tag/hrt-diary/) in 2017, which is nice, but hasn't sated the curiosity as to what it would be like to have _big_ breasts, _unarguable_ breasts—and if we can't make biological functionality out of silicone, we can at least make _size_.)
-It only comes in one size, but according to the sizing chart, I ought to fit given my 37½″ underbust measurement.
+In contrast, this bodysuit featuring fake breasts _and_ a fake vulva, all in one piece, seemed like an appealing thing to try out. ("The most jiggle and bounce imaginable", promises the website.) Compared to breastforms, the bodysuit promised to offer both a "bottom" experience, and, not a more _seamless_ transformation on "top", but rather, to put the seams in a potentially less conspicuous location (at the neck/arms/legs, rather than on the chest where they interfere with the illusion of actually having breasts).
-... I did not fit. It took a huge stuggle just to get the suit on at all, and I did substantial damage to it in the process, ripping a huge tear in the back (from the center to the left hip), _and_ derailing the zipper, _and_, somehow, detaching the sides of the zipper from the suit (!?).
+The suit only comes in one size, but according to the sizing chart, I ought to fit given my 37½″ underbust measurement.
-In retrospect, I should have taken care to heed the direction to apply talcum powder to my skin and the inside of the suit, before stuggling so much, and on that count, I'll easily accept the rip in the back as "my fault", but the way the zipper derailed and detached so easily seems like more of an indicator of a low-quality product?
+When the package arrived and I greedily opened it—the fake purple rose petals in the box were a nice touch—it became clear that it would be a tight fit, and the instructions said to apply talcum powder to my skin and the inside of the suit first. So I booked a last-minute motel room, and set out to buy talcum powder (the CVS didn't have it, but the Berkeley Bowl had all-nautral baby powder that seemed likely to be equivalent), and then to the motel to try on my new purchase in privacy away from my flatmate.
-After the struggle
+... I did not fit. It took a huge struggle just to get the suit on at all, and I did substantial damage to it in the process, ripping a huge tear in the back (from the center to the left hip), _and_ derailing the zipper, _and_, somehow, detaching the sides of the zipper from the suit (!?).
-The cleavage is visually nice (no seam when looking own at one's chest!), but the breasts hung significantly too low—
+In retrospect, I should have taken care to heed the direction to apply the powder first before stuggling so much (I was excited, and was for some reason having trouble opening the cylinder of baby powder), and on that count, I'll easily accept the rip in the back as "my fault", but the way the zipper derailed and detached so easily seems like more of an indicator of a low-quality product?
-I would describe the overall effect as "cartoony."
+After the struggle and the damage, the experience of having the suit on was—underwhelming. The cleavage is visually nice (no seam when looking own at one's chest!), but the breasts hung significantly too low, which could very well be due to the way it was awkwardly draped over my shoulders with no zipper to support it in the back—but we have already spoken of what became of the zipper. The "bottom" illusion is visually pretty nice—standing some distance from the mirror and squinting. The uniformly beige skin is somehow slightly sticky (?) and looks more like silicone (which it is) than flesh. I would describe the overall effect as "cartoony."
- * hard to fit member in urination option, I swear it leaked urine out side?—not sure how the hydraulics worked there
+The suit features a condom catheter for urination. (And a vaginal cavity, though I'm not sure what that's for.) The catheter was _also_ a tight fit—that's part of the product review, not boasting—and when using the urination feature, I swear a bit of urine leaked out of the seams around my legs (!?). I'm still not sure how the hydraulics worked there.
-"The most jiggle and bounce imaginable"
+The seller, TheBreastFormStore.com, also offers a breast plate and "v-panties" as separate items, rather than as the one suit, and while admiring the cleavage, I suddenly realized a practical reason to prefer "top" and "bottom" as separate items. (Can't masturbate with the bottom on!)
- * also: can't masturbate with the bottom on!
+The product page had already warned that all sales of this item were final (would _you_ want to buy one of these used?), but the customer service rep for TheBreastFormStore.com was very nice and helpful when I wrote to them about my experience. She offered to send me glue to reattach the zipper when it was in stock, and said she could talk to her supervisor about a offering a discount on the breastplate and v-panty combination. (The emails were signed with a female name, but I assume they don't get actual women to fill these jobs?)
-The product page had already warned that all sales of this item were final (would _you_ want to buy one of these used?)
+I ended up trying cutting the suit in half myself to try wear the pieces separately if that would be a better fit, but the cut was a little bit too below the waist.
-Customer service was very nice and helpful when I wrote to them about my experience.
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-offered glue for zipper (I assume they don't hire actual women for those jobs)
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- * I ended up cutting it in half to try to wear the pieces separately, but the cut was a little too below waist for the now-"shorts"
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-(The fake purple rose petals in the box were a nice touch.)
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- * I like the idea, but overall, do not recommend
+I like the _idea_ of this product. It was a good effort! But in light of the experiences described above, I do not recommend it.
**Cost:** $600
**Rating:** ★
<a href="/images/mask_with_wig_and_rose-colored_glasses.jpg"><img src="/images/mask_with_wig_and_rose-colored_glasses.jpg" width="165" style="margin: 0.1pc;"></a>
</div>
-It really looks like a woman's face!
+This product is _amazing_. It really looks like a woman's face! Just—a detached woman's face, wrapped in tissue paper, sitting in a box! [I _said_ buying this product was probably a smart move](/2021/May/sexual-dimorphism-in-the-sequences-in-relation-to-my-gender-problems/#movie-grade-mask), and it turns out that buying this product was a _smart move!_
The skin color and texture is much more realistic than the cartoon beige of the Gold Seal bodysuit reviewed above. (I wonder how much it helps that Crea FX are visual-effects artists by trade—makers of male masks and monster masks for movies and plays—rather than being in the MtF business specifically, like the Breast Form Store. They know—I assume they _must_ know—that a lot of their female masks are purchased by guys like me with motives like mine, but we're not the _target_ demographic, the reason they mastered their skills.)
-Getting the mask on and off was no problem at all.
+Getting the mask on and off was no problem at all. (By this point, I had opened the can of baby powder.) It somehow manages to look worse in photographs than it does in the mirror? Is it possible my big Jewish nose streches out the mask's nose a bit? Whatever. Standing a distance from the mirror in a dark hotel room, I swear _I actually bought it_, and if the moment of passing to myself in the mirror was an anticlimax, it was an anticlimax I've been waiting my entire life (since puberty) for.
+The worst nonrealism is the eyeholes. Nothing is worse for making a mask look like a mask than visible eyehole seams around the eyes. But suppose I wore sunglasses. Women wear sunglasses sometimes! Could I pass to _someone else_? (Not for very long or bearing any real scrutiny, but [to someone who wasn't expecting it](/2020/Dec/crossing-the-line/).)
+I haven't [cosplayed in a couple years](/2019/Aug/a-love-that-is-out-of-anyones-control/), but it abruptly became clear I needed to test this at the next available convention!
- * somehow looks worse in photographs than it does in the mirror?] standing a distance from the mirror in a dark hotel room, I actually bought it?!
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- * worst nonrealism: visible eyeholes; fix—sunglasses?
- * going to reprise Ens.-Sylvia-Tilly-wearing-sunglasses at Fan Expo 2022 to see if I can pass at all
- * Is it possible that I stretched out the nose area??
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**Cost:** €672
**Rating:** ★★★★½
Why write about this? Why write about icky erotic stuff on a blog that also has Science and Philosophy stuff that's _unambiguously_ safe for work? Well, in the current year I think there's actually a public interest in being clear that—if I'm the kind of person who becomes a trans women in Berkeley, which no one seems to dispute—this is the kind of thing people like me spend a lot of time on. And—it just, doesn't really seem like something actual-females would relate to
* I didn't masturbate from Sat. until Wed. in anticipation of trying on the mask in a hotel room; I was delighted that I came a little bit (entirely flaccid) while shitting—that's a sign that I had succeeded in building up, and yet somehow I didn't feel very horny or get as much pleasure when the time came? Maybe I'm getting old?
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projects / Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git / commitdiff