Okay, maybe I'm _not_ completely over my teenage religion of psychological sex differences denialism?—that belief still feels uncomfortable to put my weight on. I would _prefer_ to believe that there are women who are relevantly "like me" with respect to some fair (not gerrymandered) metric on personspace. But, um ... it's not completely obvious whether I actually know any? (Well, maybe two or three.) When I look around me—most of the people in my robot cult (and much more so if you look the core of old-timers from the _Overcoming Bias_ days, rather than the greater Berkeley "community" of today) are male. Most of the people in my open-source programming scene are male. These days, [most of the _women_](/2020/Nov/survey-data-on-cis-and-trans-women-among-haskell-programmers/) in [my open-source programming scene](/2017/Aug/interlude-vii/) are male. Am I not supposed to _notice_?
-Is _everyone else_ not supposed to notice? Suppose I transitioned. Suppose I passed. Suppose I caught the worshipful attention of a young man just like me ("a" young man, as if there wouldn't be _dozens_), who privately told me, "I've never met a woman quite like you." What would I be supposed to tell him? ["There's a _reason_ for that"](https://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/purpleandskates/)?
+Is _everyone else_ not supposed to notice? Suppose I got the magical body transformation (with no brain mods beyond the minimum needed for motor control). Suppose I caught the worshipful attention of a young man just like I used to be ("a" young man, as if there wouldn't be _dozens_), who privately told me, "I've never met a woman quite like you." What would I be supposed to tell him? ["There's a _reason_ for that"](https://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/purpleandskates/)?
-I could _assert_ that it's all down to socialization and stereotyping and self-fulfilling prophecies—and I know that _some_ of it is. (Self-fulfilling prophecies [are coordination equilibria](/2020/Jan/book-review-the-origins-of-unfairness/).) But I still want to speculate that the nature of my X factor—the things about my personality that let me write the things I do even though I'm [objectively not that smart](/images/wisc-iii_result.jpg) compared to some of my robot-cult friends—is a pattern of mental illness that could realistically only occur in males. (Yudkowsky: ["It seems to me that male teenagers especially have something like a _higher cognitive temperature_, an ability to wander into strange places both good and bad."](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/xsyG7PkMekHud2DMK/of-gender-and-rationality)) I can't assert _with a straight face_ that all the gaps _must_ vanish after the revolution, because _I've read the literature_ and can tell you several observations about chimps and [congenital adrenal hyperplasia](/images/cah_diffs_table.png) that make that seem _relatively unlikely_.
+I could _assert_ that it's all down to socialization and stereotyping and self-fulfilling prophecies—and I know that _some_ of it is. (Self-fulfilling prophecies [are coordination equilibria](/2020/Jan/book-review-the-origins-of-unfairness/).) But I still want to speculate that the nature of my X factor—the things about my personality that let me write the things I do even though I'm [objectively not that smart](/images/wisc-iii_result.jpg) compared to some of my robot-cult friends—is a pattern of mental illness that could realistically only occur in males. (Yudkowsky: ["It seems to me that male teenagers especially have something like a _higher cognitive temperature_, an ability to wander into strange places both good and bad."](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/xsyG7PkMekHud2DMK/of-gender-and-rationality))
+
+I can _imagine_ that all the gaps will vanish after the revolution. I can imagine it, but I can no longer _assert it with a straight face_ because _I've read the literature_ and can tell you several observations about chimps and [congenital adrenal hyperplasia](/images/cah_diffs_table.png) that make that seem _relatively unlikely_.
I was once told by a very smart friend (who, unlike me, is not a religious fantatic), "Boys like games with challenges and points; girls like games with characters and stories."
As a _first-order approximation_, I do have a sister. I think the family resemblance between us is stronger than with either parent. We're about equally intelligent—OK, she's probably smarter than me; [the SAT is pretty](https://www.gwern.net/docs/iq/2004-frey.pdf) [_g_-loaded](/2020/Apr/book-review-human-diversity/#the-length-of-a-hyperellipsoid) and her 1580 (out of 1600) trounces my 2180 (on [the out-of-2400 scale used between 2005 and 2016](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SAT#2005_changes,_including_a_new_2400-point_score), such that 2180 proportionally scales down to 1453 out of 1600). Our dark hair curls into helices with similar radius. We even have similar mannerisms, I think? She's 5′6½″.
-But in a lot of ways that matter, we are _very_ different people. When you compare resumés and representative work-samples of what we've _done_ with our (roughly) similar intelligence—her chemistry Ph.D. from a top-10 university, my dropout–autodidact's passion culminating in this _batshit insane_ secret ("secret") blog about the philosophy of science and the etiology of late-onset gender dysphoria in males—it ... paints a different picture.
+But in a lot of ways that matter, we are _very_ different people. When you compare resumés and representative work-samples of what we've _done_ with our (roughly) similar intelligence—her chemistry Ph.D. from a top-10 university, my dropout–autodidact's passion culminating in this _batshit insane_ secret ("secret") blog about the philosophy of language and the etiology of late-onset gender dysphoria in males—it ... paints a different picture.
-Of course same-sex siblings would _also_ be different pictures. (Identical twins aren't _duplicates_ of each other, either.) But the advantage of having a sister is that it gives my brain's pattern-matching faculties a target to [sight](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sight_(device)) against. As a _second_-order approximation, my female analogue is close to being somewhere on the vector in personspace between me and my sister (but not exactly on that line, because the line spans both the difference-betwen-siblings and the difference-between-sexes).
+Of course same-sex siblings would _also_ be different pictures. (Identical twins aren't _duplicates_ of each other, either.) But the advantage of having a sister is that it gives my brain's pattern-matching faculties a target to sight against. As a _second_-order approximation, my female analogue is close to being somewhere on the vector in personspace between me and my sister (but not exactly on that line, because the line spans both the difference-betwen-siblings and the difference-between-sexes).
(All this is in accordance with ["Everything is a vector space" philosophy](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/WBw8dDkAWohFjWQSk/the-cluster-structure-of-thingspace) implied by this blog's [TLD](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top-level_domain)—if it turns out that something _isn't_ a vector space, I'm not sure I want to know about it. I can hope that my description of the _methodology_ is valuable, even if your brain's pattern-matching faculties can't follow along with the same example, because you haven't met my sister and only know the aspects of me that shine through to the blog.)
-----
-Anyway, that—briefly (I mean it)—is the story about my weird obligate sex fantasy about being a woman and how I used to think that it was morally wrong to believe in psychological sex differences, but then I gradually changed my mind and decided that psychological sex differences are probably real after being deeply influenced by this robot-cult blog about the logic of Science.
+Anyway, that—briefly (I mean it)—is the story about my weird [sexual fetish that can't possibly be realized using existing technology](https://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1049) and how I used to think that it was morally wrong to believe in psychological sex differences, but then I gradually changed my mind and decided that psychological sex differences are probably real after being deeply influenced by this robot-cult blog about the logic of Science.
It's probably not that interesting? If we were still living in the socio-political environment of 2009, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be blogging about my weird sexual obsessions (as evidenced by the fact that, in 2009, I wasn't blogging about them).
-It would take some unfathomably bizarre twist of circumstances to induce me to write publicly about such deeply private matters—like my weird sexual obsession ending up at the center of [one of the _defining political issues of our time_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_rights), and everyone I used to trust telling _blatant pants-on-fire lies_ about their _own_ philosophy of language that were clearly optimized to _trick me into cutting my dick off_ (independently of the empirical cost–benefit trade-off which determines whether or not I should cut my dick off).
+It would take some unfathomably bizarre twist of circumstances to induce me to write publicly about such deeply private and sensitive matters—circumstances like my weird sexual obsession ending up at the center of [one of the _defining political issues of our time_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_rights), and everyone I used to trust telling _blatant pants-on-fire lies_ about their _own_ philosophy of language that were clearly optimized to _trick me into cutting my dick off_ (independently of the empirical cost–benefit trade-off which determines whether or not I should cut my dick off).
But such an absurd scenario couldn't actually happen, right? Um, to be continued.
_ Student Dysphoria, and a Previous Life's War
_ Gaydar Jamming (L.B. and R.H.)
_ Overlapping Distributions and Cancellable Stereotypes (the standard GC argument about trans = stereotypes but with more math)
+_ Friendship Practices of the Secret-Sharing Plain Speech Valley Squirrels
2021 significant posts—
LW—
-_ Communication Requires Common Interest or Costly Signals
+_ Angelic Irony
_ "You'll Never Persuade Anyone"
+_ Cromwell's Rule Is About Symmetry, Not Fairness
+_ The Motte-and-Bailey Doctrine as Compression Artifact
+_ "Rationalists" Don't Exist (But Rationality Does)
- And the Wisdom to Know the Difference
_ agents with different learning algorithms would find it hard to agree on words?
_ importance of getting the direction of causality right
_ Multi-Level Moloch; Or, Technically, the Holocaust Was a Coordination Success
_ Reasons to Go On
-_ Angelic Irony
-Memetics vs. Discourse
-Cromwell's Rule Is About Symmetry, Not Fairness
-Honesty Is Activism
-The Motte-and-Bailey Doctrine as Compression Artifact
+_ Memetics vs. Discourse
+_ Honesty Is Activism
+
Trading Political Favors Doesn't Build True Maps, But Correcting Errors Your Yourself Made, Does
_ Phenotypic Identity and Memetic Capture
_ I, Too, Dislike It
-_ Friendship Practices of the Secret-Sharing Plain Speech Valley Squirrels
+
_ Yardstick abolition pessimism https://culturallyboundgender.wordpress.com/2018/11/13/gender-identity-isnt-a-box-its-a-yardstick/
_ reductionist rebuttal to "so you think lesbians aren't women"
_ Principles (transhumanism, and sanity)
Resolved: publish "Sexual Dimorphism" soon as just the first part, the political coda is too hard to finish in a timely manner and will have to be a separate post
TODO for "Sexual Dimorphism"—
-_ transformation details matter: accents and homonyms, sexual orientation changing emotions/accent fantasies: https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/wAW4ENCSEHwYbrwtn/other-people-s-procedural-knowledge-gaps/comment/pheakgvLbFndXccXC
-_ EY was right about "men need to think about themselves _as men_"
+And because the brain and body are an integrated system, people's intuitive sense of [which parts are "me"](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/vjmw8tW6wZAtNJMKo/which-parts-are-me) and which parts are "just" "my body" (which can be swapped out without changing who "I" am), may be _much less in touch with reality_ than they'd like to think.
+
+A common theme in female transformation erotica is that sexuality "goes with the body": in these stories, men who have been magically transformed into women, often express positive or negative emotions (depending on the story and the author) about discovering that they're attracted to guys now.
+
+
+_ transformation details matter: accents and homonyms, sexual orientation changing emotions/accent fantasies: https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/wAW4ENCSEHwYbrwtn/other-people-s-procedural-knowledge-gaps/comment/pheakgvLbFndXccXC
_ morality and culturally-defined values
_ playing dumb initials anecdote
-
-----
+_ EY was right about "men need to think about themselves _as men_"
_ AGPs dating each other is the analogue of "Failed Utopia 4-2" (but phrased in a way that's agnostic about
_ more empathic inference: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/qCsxiojX7BSLuuBgQ/the-super-happy-people-3-8
_ If I want to stay aligned with women, then figuring out how to do that depends on the facts about actual sex differences; if I want to do the value-exchange suggested in
-_ "people who have sexual fetishes that can't possibly be realized using existing technology [...] like the guy who gets on by entropy decreasing in a closed system" https://qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1049
+
To LW—
_(content warning sexism)_
-_(content warning transphobia)_
-_(content warning too much information about weird fetishes)_
+_(content warning implied transphobia)_
+_(content warning too much information about weird sexual fetishes)_
_(content warning WTF did I just read)_
(March 2021, [TODO] words)
On Twitter—
-WTF did I just read?? Too bad Yudkowsky can't control how creepy randos on the internet interpret his work ...
-
-reply to: https://twitter.com/17cShyteposter/status/1365586872529874944
+okay, WTF did I just read?? Too bad Yudkowsky can't control how creepy randos on the internet interpret his work ...
-----
https://www.facebook.com/zmdavis/posts/10154812970895199?comment_id=10154813826005199&reply_comment_id=10154813943085199
-"I'm choosing to have a public Facebook meltdown now, and in two or three years I'll have the full version on my blog"
+During my February 2017 public Facebook meltdown about my gender thing (and how angry I was that everyone is lying about what the thing is), I said, "I'm choosing to have a public Facebook meltdown now, and in two or three years I'll have the full version on my blog."
+
+But, it's actually looking like it's going to take closer to five years? I've done a lot of secret ("secret") blogging in the intervening four years (highlights on the About page: http://unremediatedgender.space/about/), but there's still a lot of content that has to be part of "the full version" that I somehow haven't managed to write down yet. I wanted to just write one big megapost, in the hopes of getting it all out of my system so I can finally move on with my life, but it was too difficult, so I'm going to have to split it into multiple parts.
+
+Here's Part 1 ([TODO] words), about my experiences (as seen through the interpretive lens of Yudkowskian philosophy): [TODO linky]
+
+Then Part 2 can cover the evidence and theory for why I think I'm justified in believing that a substantial majority of trans women are relevantly "like me", even though I don't have introspective access to other people's experiences.
-But, it actually took four years. Sorry.
+Then Part 3 can cover my theory and retrospective on the political incentives driving the ASTONISHING cowardice, mendacity, and doublethink of everyone of significance in the so-called "rationalist" community on this issue—not just the empirical psychology question (which is perhaps forgiveable—psychology is hard!), but also the drop-dead basics of our OWN philosophy of language, which dispute was SO absurd and took SO much time and effort to correct even within the "community" that it would be COMICAL if it weren't for the whole "the entire future history of the universe depends on these motherfuckers thinking clearly" thing.
+
+And then I'll be done and can move on with my life!!
-----
Hi SneerClub! I noticed that you've enjoyed some of my [previous](https://www.reddit.com/r/SneerClub/comments/fw9cng/the_lgbt_activist_machinery_instead_adapted/) [work](https://www.reddit.com/r/SneerClub/comments/61t94y/rationalist_tries_justifying_their_transphobia_by/), so I thought I would go ahead and proactively share this one with you, because (I'm guessing) it probably checks a lot of the boxes for top sneerable content: it's got Yudkowsky hero-worship, _and_ sexism (as many of you would define that), _and_ transphobia (as many of you would define that), _and_ weird sex stuff!
(From _my_ perspective, I'm pouring my heart out about the most important thing in my life, but if someone else with a different perspective would only sneer, then I can only hope to have been—if only for a moment, as part of a subroutine in the optimal sneer computation—_understood_. And for that moment, I am grateful.)
+
+-----
+
+reply to: https://twitter.com/17cShyteposter/status/1365586872529874944
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