From: M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake Date: Sat, 30 Apr 2022 06:11:14 +0000 (-0700) Subject: check in, incl. Kaiser notes! X-Git-Url: http://unremediatedgender.space/source?a=commitdiff_plain;h=17e8ce5afddd4f29a017cc70fa090b891eb507a8;p=Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git check in, incl. Kaiser notes! Kaiser lets you see your shrink's notes on their website now! --- diff --git a/content/drafts/a-hill-of-validity-in-defense-of-meaning.md b/content/drafts/a-hill-of-validity-in-defense-of-meaning.md index e8229be..251f9bd 100644 --- a/content/drafts/a-hill-of-validity-in-defense-of-meaning.md +++ b/content/drafts/a-hill-of-validity-in-defense-of-meaning.md @@ -178,28 +178,20 @@ Another trans woman I talked to was less philosophical. "I'm an AGP trans girl w ------ -As the tension continued to mount through mid-2016 between what I was seeing and hearing, and the socially-acceptable public narrative, [my](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/concerns/) [frustration](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/identity/) [started](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/apostasy/) [to](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/wicked-transcendence/) [subtly](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/ineffective-deconversion-pitch/) [or](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/falself/) [not-so-much](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/prescription/) [leak](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-world-by-gaslight/) [out](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-roark-quirrell-effect/) [in](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/book-recommendations-i/) [my](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/wicked-transcendence-ii/) [blog](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/concerns-ii/), but I wanted to write more directly about what was going on. +As the tension continued to mount through mid-2016 between what I was seeing and hearing, and the socially-acceptable public narrative, [my](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/concerns/) [frustration](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/identity/) [started](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/apostasy/) [to](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/wicked-transcendence/) [subtly](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/ineffective-deconversion-pitch/) [or](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/falself/) [not-so-much](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/prescription/) [leak](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-world-by-gaslight/) [out](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-roark-quirrell-effect/) [in](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/book-recommendations-i/) [my](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/wicked-transcendence-ii/) [blog](http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/concerns-ii/), but I wanted to write more directly about what I thought was going on. At first I was imagining a post on my existing blog, but a couple of my very smart and cowardly friends recommended a pseudonym, which I reluctantly agreed was probably a good idea. So I made up a pen name and [started this blog](http://unremediatedgender.space/2016/Sep/apophenia/). -[TODO—aside on pen name, URL +[aside (footnote?) on pen name: hyphenated last name (a feminist tradition), abbreviated-first-initial + gender-neutral middle name (as if suggesting a male ineffectually trying to avoid having an identifiably male byline), "Saotome" from a thematically-relevant Japanese graphic novel series, "West" (+ an extra syllable) after a character in a serial novel whose catchphrase is "Somebody had to and no one else will" ] -I had already claimed _ultimatelyuntruethought@gmail.com_ in 2014, to participate in [a contest](http://celebbodyswap.blogspot.com/2014/02/magic-remote-caption-contest.html) by one of the [transformation/bodyswap captioned-photo erotica blogs](/2016/Oct/exactly-what-it-says-on-the-tin/) +[aside (footnote?) on the blog name: I had already claimed _ultimatelyuntruethought@gmail.com_ in 2014, to participate in [a contest](http://celebbodyswap.blogspot.com/2014/02/magic-remote-caption-contest.html) by one of the [transformation/bodyswap captioned-photo erotica blogs](/2016/Oct/exactly-what-it-says-on-the-tin/)] - hyphenated last name (a feminist tradition) - abbreviated-first-initial + gender-neutral middle name (as if suggesting a male ineffectually trying to avoid having an identifiably male byline) - "Saotome" from a thematically-relevant Japanese graphic novel series - "West" (+ an extra syllable) after a character in a serial novel whose catchphrase is "Somebody had to and no one else will" -] - -[I commissioned https://srconstantin.github.io/2016/10/06/cross-sex-hormone-therapy.html ] +[Hormones front— I commissioned https://srconstantin.github.io/2016/10/06/cross-sex-hormone-therapy.html sent 5K to Sarah on 9/14 ] http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/10/late-onset/ [TODO: October 2016: I wrote Eliezer to ask about the conflict with "Changing Emotions" and made a Cheerful Price offer to talk about it https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/MzKKi7niyEqkBPnyu/your-cheerful-price (shut up, we're not a cult) ] -https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/MzKKi7niyEqkBPnyu/your-cheerful-price - [it was around this time I snuck a copy of _Men Trapped in Men's Bodies: Narratives of Autogynephilic Transsexualism_ into the [MIRI](https://intelligence.org/) office library. (It seemed like something Harry Potter-Evans-Verres would do—and ominously, I noticed, not like something Hermione Granger would do.)] [TODO: early 2017, eventually I start being louder on Facebook and eventually have a nervous breakdown] diff --git a/notes/a-hill-of-validity-sections.md b/notes/a-hill-of-validity-sections.md index 409f364..5e7eb62 100644 --- a/notes/a-hill-of-validity-sections.md +++ b/notes/a-hill-of-validity-sections.md @@ -740,3 +740,7 @@ Rob says so, too— > their verbal theories contradict their own datapoints https://www.facebook.com/yudkowsky/posts/10159408250519228?comment_id=10159411435619228&reply_comment_id=10159411567794228 + +dath ilan has Actual Evolutionary Psychology +> They end up wanting 42 major things and 314 minor things (on the current count of what's known and thought to be distinct in the way of adaptation) +https://www.glowfic.com/replies/1801140#reply-1801140 diff --git a/notes/kaiser-notes.txt b/notes/kaiser-notes.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e2ba7fd --- /dev/null +++ b/notes/kaiser-notes.txt @@ -0,0 +1,415 @@ +Kaiser has my whole visit history incl. notes available now! Awesome!! (Except it sucks that right-click doesn't work, making it require multiple clicks to access anything—maybe there's a way to cheat with the developer tools?) + +Katherine Walker's notes from 12 August— +> *CHIEF COMPLAINT: +> Zachary Davis is a 28 Y male who returned to focus on addressing symptoms involving: gender dysphoria +> *Updated Clinical Status/Relevant History/Active Abuse-Trauma Concerns/Treatment Response: +> Zachary in after a long hiatus wanting to talk about his gender issues. He reports that he finds the best explanation for his own gender issues is "autogynephilia" which is described "an erotic interest in the thought or image of oneself as a woman". +> This concept is highly controversial in the LGBT community for many reasons and when he talks about it to others he feels their disapprobation. Zack belongs to a philosophical group (Less Wrong, his Tribe) that is devoted to getting as close to absolute truth as possible, so it is important to him to make a distinction between the experience of a transwoman and that of a genetic woman. I talked with him about my own beliefs of people falling on a continuum but he is fixed on wanting to have a socially and politically correct and yet entirely accurate label for his experience. He would like to try hormones but is once again afraid of rejection by caregivers who espouse the more conventional beliefs at the current time regarding gender identity. Zack is very intelligent and will admit that he tends to over think things, but continues to put himself through a great deal of angst about these issues. + + +> JULIE MARIE AYOOB RN at 8/19/2016 1:27 PM +> Zachary Davis is a 28 Y patient assigned male at birth who identifies as: pt exploring gender identity, said still identifying as male +> Preferred name: Zachary +> Preferred pronouns: he/him + +> Presenting concerns +> Patient is inquiring about the following: hormones, is interested in trying them for a few months to see if they fit with his gender identity +> Date started transitioning: not yet +> Is the patient currently on hormone therapy? No + +(That's not how I remember that conversation!) + +1 September office visit with Daniel Geer LCSW + +Pt. presents stating that he has been thinking for the past year about starting HRT to experience a feminine hormonal environment and to experiment with a more androgenous appearance. Pt. is clear that he does not ID as female or non-binary and does not want to transition. Pt. with strong political and intellectual views about gender. IDs as having Autogynephilia. Pt. knows this term is often rejected by the TG community, seen as a sx of gender dysphoria, or a phase for TG women but feels strongly that this term best describes him. Pt. hopes for a closer approximation of the female experience, emotionally and physically. Pt. would like to experience some breast growth and have a more androgenous look, experience what it it like to have a female hormonal environment. Pt. wonders about the social implications of being on HRT, eg. "What if not comfortable"?, "What if look weird"?, "Others might stare"? Pt. has gathered info on the internet and in talking with TG women friends in Berkeley where he lives. Pt. states that going on HRT would be an experiment and that it might be only for a few months but is determined to try either through the medically supervised route, or by getting hormones elsewhere. Pt. with some knowledge of the medical risks/benefits but could use more informing on this. Pt. does not seek any other gender affirming services or surgeries. + +Pt. involved in an "internet subculture", online group based in Berkeley that is his main support. They interact online but also see each other in person. Pt. feels he can talk with them about most anything. In terms of his ID with Autogynephilia, he only talks 1:1 with some of his closest friends. He states that they often "agree to disagree. +Positive coping includes: talking to supportive friends, reading, being sure to get enough sleep +Negative coping to avoid includes: not getting enough sleep, avoid reading scary things + +Pt. reports first awareness of autogynephilic feelings at around ages 12-13. Pt. states, "I could cherry pick and create a TG narrative" eg. asked for a few stereotypically feminine toys, was sensitive, not esp. masc, but on the whole states was not GNC. Pt. notes that he did some cross dressing as a teen, sexual fantasy revolved around being and feeling female. Pt. cont. to cross dress, esp. likes using breast forms. Pt. states this is mostly erotic but sometimes not. At age 18 pt. read about autogynephilia online and states it immediately fit for him. Prior to that had been a "gender abolitionist", often protesting that girls/boys should not be divided for sports/gym. Pt. states that from age 15 to 22 tried to use the name ZM but states "it was a disaster", gave up as felt always was correcting people. Pt. is happy when read as female on the phone. Pt. has been told by other TG women that he seems trans but pt. does not ID with this. Pt. states he is male but with the persistent fantasy of being a woman but resists the common language used today to describe trans experience. + +Pt. not in a rel. Longest dating exp. was a few months with a poly friend with whom he was in a fractional rel., now they are just friends. +Pt. states that technically he is a virgin, attempted intercourse x3 but could not maintain an erection. +Mostly attracted to cis women but open to TG women. +Low risk for HIV/STI. + +Born in Wisconsin but moved as a baby to Ca. and grew up in Concord and Walnut Creek. +Mo. lives in WC, states they are on good terms, gender and sexuality are unspoken topics. +Fa. lives in Dublin, good terms and as above they do not discuss gender/sexuality. +Pt. has one older sis. who lives in Boston, they are on good terms but not close. +School- pt. states he hates school but did almost finish college with a degree in Math. +Works as a computer programmer in SF, likes it. Recently has been distracted by gender/sexuality issues so hard to focus. At this job x2 and 1/2yrs. +Moved to Berkeley last yr. and has really enjoyed the "geeky" community of people he has found there. +Lives with a roommate who is also a friend that he can talk to about gender/sexuality. + +ASSESSMENT/RECOMMENDATION AND ACTION: +Pt. to return for f/up MH visit to discuss further the implications of starting HRT, further clarify goals +Wr. to contact MH txst at K/Ant. re. her sense of pt. plan for HRT (pt. gave verbal consent for this in session today) + +13 September office visit with Daniel Geer LCSW + +Pt. returns for contd consultation re. HRT. +Starts by presenting wr. with the book, "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies" as wants wr. to understand his experience. +Pt. cont. to state that he has been thinking for the past year about starting HRT to experience a feminine hormonal environment and to experiment with a more androgenous appearance. Pt. reports that for the last two mo. he has been more obsessed with gender and starting HRT such that it has been harder to focus/concentrate at work. +Pt. is clear that he does not ID as transgender, female or non-binary and does not want to transition to another gender. Pt. with strong political and intellectual views about gender. IDs as having Autogynephilia. Pt. knows this term is often rejected by the TG community, seen as a sx of gender dysphoria, or a phase for TG women but feels strongly that this term best describes him. Pt. somewhat concrete in his insistence that he is male in that he has a biologically identified male body and upset thinking that TG women are "delusional" about being women, thinks his way of thinking is the right way. Pt. became emotional and loud at times when talking about the current culture around gender and transition. When directed to focus on his own experience he was calmer. Pt. is excited about the idea of starting HRT but clear that he sees it as an experiment, that he would stop if the effects became uncomfortable. +With HRT pt. hopes for a closer approximation of the female experience, emotionally and physically. Pt. would like to experience some breast growth and have a more androgenous look, experience what it it like to have a female hormonal environment. +Pt. does wonder about the social implications of being on HRT, eg. "What if not comfortable"?, "What if look weird"?, "Others might stare"? Pt. has gathered info on the internet and in talking with TG women friends in Berkeley where he lives. Pt. states that going on HRT would be an experiment and that it might be only for a few months but is determined to try either through the medically supervised route, or by getting hormones elsewhere. Pt. with some knowledge of the medical risks/benefits but could use more informing on this. Pt. does not seek any other gender affirming services or surgeries. +Pt. understands that some of the effects of HRT are not reversible, eg. breast growth. Pt. seems to both not want to transition because it would be "impossible", difficult, but also because he does not feel that his persistent fantasy of being a woman makes him a woman but rather autogynephilic. +Pt. notes that he is attracted to women, would like to be in a rel. with a woman but feels that his very high standards will make this difficult. Pt. states that he already has some erectile dysfunction (has not been able to have penetrative sex) but has not been very motivated to tx this with therapy or meds. Does masturbate/ejaculate most days and likes the sexual function he has. Function is the same with partners as it is solo. Pt. does not feel he will be bothered by decreased sexual function on HRT. +Pt. has a large circle of online and in person TG women friends that he is able to talk with about his experience. Even though most do not agree with his use of the term and ID of autogynephilic, they accept him. Many tell him that many trans women start out with his way of thinking but ultimately do transition. +Worked with pt. on finding language that he both feels is true for him, but also not so inflammatory as to cause conflict and distress for himself and others he interacts with. With discussion pt. states the the term "trans-feminine" could be acceptable to him. +Pt. is both excited and nervous re. the idea of starting HRT. + +Daniel Geer 6 October + + +Pt. returns for contd consultation re. HRT. Plan at last session was to refer for HRT after today's session after consultation with MST Team. + +Starts today by stating that he does not feel stable enough right now to start HRT. Pt. states he has been more depressed and anxious and in particular has not been able to get work done at his programmer job as he is obsessed with mainstream thinking re. gender and his disagreement with the thinking that autogynephilia is a sx of gender dysphoria. Pt. opposes the mainstream narrative of TG women as being women in the wrong body. Pt. states he wants to be more stable from a MH perspective before "tinkering with my body chemistry". + +Pt. cont. to state that he has been thinking for the past year about starting HRT to experience a feminine hormonal environment and to experiment with a more androgenous appearance. With HRT pt. hopes for a closer approximation of the female experience, emotionally and physically. Pt. would like to experience some breast growth and have a more androgenous look. + +Pt. cont. to be clear that he does not ID as transgender, female or non-binary and does not want to transition to another gender. Pt. with strong political and intellectual views about gender. IDs as having Autogynephilia. Pt. knows this term is often rejected by the TG community, seen as a sx of gender dysphoria, or a phase for TG women but feels strongly that this term best describes him. Pt. somewhat concrete in his insistence that he is male in that he has a biologically identified male body and upset thinking that TG women are "delusional" about being women, thinks his way of thinking is the right way. Pt. again became emotional and loud at times when talking about the current culture around gender and transition. When directed to focus on his own experience he was calmer. Pt. cont. excited about the idea of starting HRT but clear that he sees it as an experiment, that he would stop if the effects became uncomfortable. + +Asked pt. what he attributes his hyper focus on this issue and upset to. Pt. states he took an online ASD test (58 Qs) and scored 1.8 Standard Deviation toward ASD and believes he may be on the spectrum. Pt. recognizes that he does not have good social skills and needs to work on his emotional intelligence. Pt. recognizes that the way he comes across to others and in online communication is often not helpful. Pt. hopes that by advocating for those men with his experience around gender that he could help other young people understand themselves in a way that is different than the mainstream narrative for trans women. + +Worked with pt. on some strategies to decrease focus on this topic. Pt. suggested taking a month break from thinking about it at all. Wr. suggested using tools at work to prevent him from going online, using a timer for focused work. Suggested the use of "focused worry" times and deferring worry/thinking about this at other times. Pt. with plan to take a month off from focusing on gender issues. + +Informed pt. that wr. will be leaving Kaiser after mid. Nov. Offered appmt. to pt. in Nov. but he declines stating he prefers to take some time to stabilize on his own, then call back for HRT consult. Informed pt. he would need to have an appmt. with MH provider again prior to HRT consult referral to assure that he is in a stable place emotionally (as he also identified as being important). Pt. became upset when wr. tried to frame the appmt. as a supportive/check-in vs. a gatekeeping appmt. as pt. referred to it as. Ultimately pt. agrees with plan to call back to see another MH provider here for check in before referral for HRT. + + +LISETTE ROSE LAHANA LCSW at 12/8/2016 12:45 PM + +Discussed case with director Dr. Susanne Watson and way in which his gender narrative is atypical and how he connects to the concept of autogynephilia. Explored ways in which pt's neurodiversity may be impacting his ability to think about desired gender changes and communicate to therapists. Discussed long term gender issues for patient and his perception of gender and how for some pts on the spectrum, experiencing hormonal changes is important, and something that cannot be imagined. Watson and Lahana discussed importance of having pt meet with MST team providers to check in periodically once he is on hormones to discuss impact on his feelings and how changes are impacting him. After next session with Lahana pt either will continue with Watson at MST or with Lahana at UNC depending on pt's preference. + +LISETTE ROSE LAHANA LCSW at 12/19/2016 3:41 PM +PSYCHOTHERAPY NOTE +ADULT PSYCHIATRY FOLLOW-UP – THERAPIST + +SUBJECTIVE +*CHIEF COMPLAINT: +Zachary Davis is a 28 Y male who returned to focus on addressing symptoms involving: Zack Davis is a 28 Y single, Caucasian patient assigned male at birth who identifies as male and autogynephilic, uses he/him pronouns, returning to focus on: desire for HRT start. + +*Updated Clinical Status/Relevant History/Active Abuse-Trauma Concerns/Treatment Response: This is the second return visit with this patient who has already been assessed by Daniel Geer over the last two mos. for HRT as well as had a return visit with Daniel Geer also focusing on HRT readiness. + +"Zach" Zachary still wanting to be on female hormones, feels concept of autogynephylia defines them. Wants to be on hormones to feel what it is like to have them in his body and experience emotional changes and what women feel. Pt still reporting angry at past 10 years being "lied to" by transgender community," being told their experience as an autogynephilic person is not valid. Zack had to be redirected to talk more about hormones and what they are looking for in hormones rather than focusing on political issues. Attempted to have Zack focus on how the political issues impact him personally. Pt talking about some regret for knowing he had gender issues 10 years ago but because he was feeling he wanted to be a female, felt he was told he was autogyniphilic so that meant he was not transgender and merited hormonal interventions. Pt reports has been quite distracted by gender issues this year and had a hard time focusing at work. + +Discussed changes to expect on estrogen using KP informational handouts (informed consent forms) and went over which changes patient is most interested in. Pt focused on wanting the emotional changes, being more in touch with emotions, feeling more balance. Also hates having facial hair, pt feels "gross" about facial hair coming in after a few days. Plans to have hair removal out of pocket. +Pt still not sure how will feel with breast development. Wants to wait and see and stop if does not like development or if gets in way of social life. Pt has enjoyed wearing breast forms in the past. Encouraged pt to continue wearing breast forms as much as possible over the next 6 mos. to practice and make sure he wants breast development. + +Pt also shared he has a number of feelings typical of trans women such as a desire to live as a woman full time but feels that it is "impossible" and would be "a lie" as he was born and socialized as a male. Feels it would be a lie to try to convince others he was a female. He reports he functions socially ok as a male and does not feel he can change that. Feels socially transitioning would be "impossible" and scary. We discussed that there may be small changes to his physicality over time, such as hair removal, that may make him feel more comfortable. He liked the idea of looking more androgynous over time. I also talked with him about some people who make very slow transitions, who feel terrified at first, but over time, sometimes 5-10 years or more, move into the female gender role. Pt reports envy for friends who "get to transition" He repeated three times during the session, "I've been wanting this for fourteen years" (referring to hormones and having his body change to a female body). + +When discussing estrogen versus anti androgens he was clear in wanting a more conservative approach and liked the idea we discussed which was to go on estrogen first. I shared he could go on anti androgens first to cut off tesosterone, or estrogen without testosterone. He feel the issue isn't testosterone in his system that bothers him but rather not having estrogen in his system that is. +He understands that he will stay in close communication with Dr. Slovis and Dr. Watson about how it feels to be on estrogen and anti androgens can be included in his treatment plan over time. Pt is aware of trans women in his community that have only been on estrogen to transition. + +Discussed keeping a regular log about feelings related to gender starting this week. Encouraged Zack to write about feelings related to body changes, emotions, feelings about body without clothing on, social experiences related to gender. + +Pt and I went over treatment plan. Offered the option for him to be seen in adult psychiatry and see me in Union City or to be seen at KP Oakland Adult Psychiatry for generalist therapy. Pt does not want to commute to see me. Pt wants to continue in MST clinic and see Dr. Watson for follow up about how he is doing after he start hormones and track his response to changes on hormones. +I prepared him that appt will likely be within the next 2 mos. time after some changes begin. + +Pt open to biological children, doesn't care if children are his but would want them to be genetically tested for intelligence as embryos, "sperm is cheap" Pt prepared for sterility on estrogen/anti androgens. + +Pt reports today wants to focus on work to help him feel more grounded after this session. Feeling relieved and happy he is moving forward toward hormones. +Has friends he can call who are supportive and good for him to talk to if needed. + +Status of target symptoms: According to Zachary, since the last visit these symptoms have been unchanged. + + + +*Compliance with the treatment plan has been excellent + +*CONSULTATION / TEST RESULTS +Reviewed pertinent consultation reports / psychological tests results: n/a +If Yes, reports / results reviewed: + +OBJECTIVE: +* (Current clinically relevant) +Mental Status Examination: Behavior: psychomotor agitation and fidgety, deep breaths, hands over face at times, appeared upset +Mood: anxious and irritable +Affect: restricted +Thought Processes/Associations:difficulty talking about own experience apart from theory + +*Updated Risk Assessment: +Suicide: low risk +Homicide: low risk + +Severity of Risk: +Risk of self harm is acutely Low and chronically Low. +Risk of harm to others is acutely Low and chronically Low. + +*ASSESSMENT: + +Diagnosis: + +ICD-10-CM +1. MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, RECURRENT EPISODE, MILD F33.0 +2. SCHIZOTYPAL PERSONALITY DISORDER F21 +3. GENDER DYSPHORIA, OTHER SPECIFIED F64.8 + + +[...] + +*Psychosocial and Contextual Factors: no current problems + +TREATMENT PLANNING: +Treatment Interventions used in the session: +-Reviewed, reinforced and/or revised goals, -Reviewed treatment options, including risks/benefits of each, based on treatment progress and updated goals, -Insight-oriented, supportive therapy, and empathic listening and -Pertinent psychoeducation about impact of estrogen on body and social life + +*Treatment Goals updated with the patient: +-Other: Assess for hormone start +Help pt clarify gender goals +Decrease anxiety and lack of concentration related to gender issues + +*Recommended Treatment Options and next contact agreed upon with patient: + +Individual therapy: SEE DR. WATSON IN 7-9 WEEKS FOR FOLLOW UP, PT AGREED +Continue, with next in-person appointment on (date) +No future appointments. + +Group therapy: +Other: Pt does not want group tx though we discussed going to group +Medication Treatment: +Not recommending a medication evaluation at this time. This option may be considered in the future. + +No future appointments. + +*Other Interventions Recommended: SEE DR. SLOVIS TO BEGIN ESTROGEN TX + +Reviewed with Zachary Davis the following interventions relevant to his/her goals (indicate any options recommended, as well as patient’s response): + +-No additional interventions recommended at this time. + + +JENNIFER LYN SLOVIS MD at 12/27/2016 10:28 AM +Zach (preferred name now) comes in - very well read and knowledgeable about hrt. +Patient visit for hormone therapy for transgender care. +Has been working w/ psychiatry and has extensive review experience. +Has reviewed the KP informed consent protocols for Estrogen or Androgen therapy for mtf or ftm transitions and agrees and understands risks/benefits/required labs, etc. +Patient also understands some side effects are not reversible/might affect fertility. +Patient agrees to my recommended requriements for follow-up exams and lab work in order for my continued prescribing of hormone therapy as well. + +Zach is very clearly that he does not want a blocker, and wants to only do a low dose of estrogen at this time (as referrenced in the GNC/non-binary recommendations by UCSF) + + +KATHERINE LOUISE WALKER PHD at 2/17/2017 9:42 AM +Called Zack, after hearing from reception that His mother had called the clinic wanting to speak to me about Zack. I was unable to get her at the listed number (got message saying the number was unreachable). I left a message on Zack's voicemail with my return number, asking him to call me. + +LUKE STEPHEN POTH MD at 2/17/2017 10:29 AM + +HPI: Zachary Davis is a 29 Y male who presents to the ED requesting a psych eval. He states he hurt people with his words and wants to make amends. His mother states his co worker brought him to her house and yesterday and he was released from his job on a mental health leave. His mother gave him clonopin last night. He does not take any anti-depressants. He denies SI/HI. He denies using any drugs. + +[...] + +29 y/o with high functioning autisms/aspergers. He is not sleeping and appears in emotional distress though denies SI/HI. Mother plans to care for him. + + +MARY ELIZABETH SAGE MD at 2/17/2017 12:19 PM +* * *CONFIDENTIAL RECORD* * * +DO NOT REPRODUCE THIS DOCUMENT WITHOUT SPECIFIC RELEASE OF PSYCHIATRIC &, IF APPLICABLE, CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY (DRUG & ALCOHOL) RECORDS. + +Inpatient Medical Center Psychiatry Consultation + +SOURCES: Rick LaBelle PsyD, Poth, Luke Stephen (M.D.), Health Connect electronic medical record (including Kaiser outpatient Psychiatry records), Patient, mom Maxine here in Emergency Department with Patient. + +IDENTIFYING INFORMATION +Zachary Davis is an 29 Year old single,Caucasian male who had been living independently in Berkeley but since yesterday will be staying with his mom. Maxine, in Walnut Creek , who was admitted to Kaiser - Walnut Creek Medical Center on 2/17/2017 for not thinking straight & insomnia. The Patient is currently in Emergency Department. The patient is referred for psychiatric consultation by Poth, Luke Stephen (M.D.) for Rx. See also note by Rick LaBelle PsyD of today, who found that Patient does not meet criteria for California Welfare & Institutions Code 5150 (LPS) for involuntary detainment for inpatient psychiatric monitoring, as Patient wants to be cared for by mother currently, and mother wants to care for him & doesn't want him psychiatrically hospitalized. + +HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS AND CURRENT COMPLAINT(S): +Patient has a very strong family history of psychiatric disorders, including schizophrenia, mood & anxiety disorders, and suicide. Mom reports that Patient "has always been Asberger-y, since he was a small child". Diagnosed with possible Pervasive Developmental Disorder in childhood. Patient performed very highly on intelligence, including language/verbal assessments. Patient treated for anxiety with Rx around 4th grade. Patient went to college at UCSC though dropped out, later attended DVC & SFSU. As an adult, Patient has been diagnosed with Schizotypal Personality disorder, Psychosis, Anxiety. He was hospitalized psychiatrically while at UCSC then again 2013 for psychosis. He was last in regular mental health care in 2013. +He did ok, off Rx, living independently, working as programmer, for last few years. +In late 2016, he started seeing counselors on transgender issues, identifying with autogynephilia, then starting E2 therapy in late December. +Patient not able to provide concrete account of events & symptoms over last month or so. He denies any new stressor or trauma. Patient states he "thought the world was made of words" and he "hurt people with words". He denies any violence to self or others. Mom had not been seeing him regularly, so is not sure, but notes that he was posting on Facebook repeatedly in the wee hours of the night, so she knows he's not been sleeping. Yesterday, Patient was released from his job as a programmer for "mental health leave". A coworker brought him to mom's, and mom reports he is not thinking as lucidly as normal, seems to have blocking of thoughts, gets caught up on "being wrong" or talking about transgender community "being wrong", and feeling depressed. He seems to be obsessing. He writes repetitively in journal, she showed me this. He did not sleep well, often pacing, maybe 4 hours total, last night. Mom gave him a Klonopin. +States he's down, then that he's fine. Appetite & wt stable. Denies any suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation or violent thinking of any sort. Initially states that he doesn't want any mental health treatment, just wants to be cared for by his mom & work out his issues with his friends' help. Mom believes that he needs mental health treatment, and asserts this as a condition of him staying with her, then Patient is agreeable to take Rx & return to Psychiatry Intensive Outpatient Program. +Denies drug or alcohol use. Prev high level of caffeine. +He stopped the E2 patch yesterday. + +PSYCHIATRIC HISTORY: +Outpatient Mental Health Provider(s): Katherine Walker, PhD long-term, also seeing a gender transition therapist in Oakland. +Previously saw out-patient psychiatrist Dr John Hawkins, who retired. +Diagnosis/Diagnoses: Schizotypal Personality disorder, Psychosis, Anxiety disorder, Gender Dysphoria +History of 5150: Yes +History of Psychiatric Hospitalization: total number of admission(s) 2 +date of first hospitalization: college +date of last hospitalization: 2013 for similar though slightly worse presentation +History of suicidal ideation: Yes +History of suicide attempts: No +History of violence toward others: No +History of violence to property: No +History of trauma (note that this is sensitive information in the visible hospital chart): denied +History of depression: yes +History of hypomania or mania: no, though some O-C symptoms & insomnia could be interpreted as manic symptoms +History of psychosis: yes +History of anxiety: yes +History of eating disorder: not explored +Psychiatric medication trials: +Paxil, Zoloft in childhood +Seroquel "was overdosed", "made his tongue hang out" +Ativan +Abilify for longest period +Psychotherapy trials: yes + +SUBSTANCE USE HISTORY: +Nicotine: nonsmoker +Alcohol: denied +Cannabis: denied +Stimulants: denied +Opioids: denied +Benzodiazepines: denied +Other: denied + +FAMILY PSYCHIATRIC AND ADDICTIVE DISORDER HISTORY: +Suicide--Maternal great uncle, maternal uncle, paternal uncle +Schizophrenia--Maternal uncle +Bipolar affective disorder--M uncle +ECT--M grandmother +Depression & anxiety--mom. Mom reports that she is taking Zoloft 25 mg with great benefit, sees Dr Vaughan & Ken Gregg LCSW. +Per mom, family counted all the relatives, and about 20% have major mental illness, "it is our family's curse". + +SOCIAL HISTORY: +Parents divorced. Siblings 1 sister, Patient reports she's supportive. Marital Status: single. Children: no. Educational History: College. Military History: no Occupational History: working as programmer for "Swift Stack" as a programmer, released on "mental health leave". Current Living Situation: was living independently in Berkeley, now will be staying with mom in Walnut Creek. + +CYNTHIA M NEEL RN at 2/18/2017 2:42 AM +Document created by: Turner, K. (RN) on 2/17/2017 at 7:14:10 PM + +Narrative: +ZACHARY DAVIS IS A 29 YEAR OLD MALE WHO WAS SELF PRESENTED TO CCRMC PES VOLUNTARILY DUE TO SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. PT HAS HX OF MAJOR DEPRESSION. CURRENTLY HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND OVERT DISORGANIZATION. PT HAVING THOUGHT BLOCKING AS WELL AS PERSEVERATING ON REUNITING HIS FAMILY. PT DENIED PSYCHOTIC SYMPTOMS ABUT APPEARED TO BE RESPONDING TO INTERNAL SIMULI. PT HAS NOT SLEPT FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, AGREES TO TAKE SLEEP MEDS. FATHER REPORTS THE PT HAS A SIMILAR EPISODE IN 2013. DID WELL WHILE HE REMAINED ON HIS MEDS BUT OPTED TO STOP THEM RECENTLY. PT SEEN EARLIER TODAY IN THE KAISER OAKLAND ED BUT WAS RELEASED WITH THE CONTRACT MOTHER WOULD TAKE HIM HOME AND MONITOR HIM. AFTER THEY GOT HOME PT LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. MOTHER REPORTED HIM A DTS AND POLICE EVENTUALLY FOUND HIM AT THE BART STATION. + +PLEASE NOTE U-TOX WAS DONE AT K-OAK BUT WILL NOT COME BACK FOR 24 HOURS. + +Patient was accepted by KUMAR, D., MD/ UNIT A at Fremont Hospital on 2/18/2017 at 2:41:39 AM + +LISETTE ROSE LAHANA LCSW at 2/18/2017 9:32 PM +oops + +CARRIE ABNEY RN at 2/27/2017 3:49 PM +Discharge Note +Level of Care: Inpatient Hospital + +Discharge Note By: CARRIE ABNEY RN +Facility: Fremont Hospital + +Admit date: 2-18-17 +Discharge date: 2-20-17 + +Date and time of follow up appointment with Kaiser Outpatient services or non-Kaiser providers: Kaiser WCR with Janice Alley PsyD 2-21-17 @ 0900 + +How many days in treatment: 2 days + +Symptoms & presentation at discharge: Pt states that he is much better but that he seems to have some vague paranoid delusions that he's guarded about. He denies any A/V hallucinations and denies any SI/HI. + +Discharge planning: [If living situation not listed in demographics include phone number & address, name and phone number to provider(s) (Kaiser and non-Kaiser); additional information as appropriate--APS, CPS, group home, special day school or residential treatment center, board and care operators, private case managers, DPOA, etc]: Home + +Discharge diagnosis: R/O Unspecified Schizophrenia Spectrum R/O Schizophrenia per Dr Kumar + +Discharge medications: Zyprexa 5 mg bid, Trazadone 50 mg qhs + + +JANICE LYNN ALLEY PSYD at 2/21/2017 10:25 AM +PSYCHOTHERAPY NOTE +ADULT IOP THERAPIST INTAKE EVALUATION + +ID/REFERRING INFORMATION +Zachary Davis is a 29 Y single, Caucasian male, referred by Dr. Sage to the Intensive Outpatient Program. + +Patient's Rights, confidentiality and exceptions to confidentiality, use of automated medical record, Primary Care Provider and Behavioral Health Services staff access to medical record, and consent to treatment were reviewed + + +CHIEF COMPLAINT: +Pt reported to this writer that he believes he has no mental health problems whatsoever. He does not want help, noting that the only reason he is here is to satisfy his parents, who are "over reacting" about his recent psychotic episode of 2/16-2/17. Pt did later make reference to feelings of "femaleness" that he cannot properly classify, and that these feelings have recently created intense stress for him. + +HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: +Pt has a long history of mental health tx and has been diagnosed with anixety, depression, psychosis, schizotypal personality disorder and gender dysphoria. Patient also possesses "traits" of Asperger's Syndrome per patient's father "Peter" (ROI signed/submitted for scanning), but has never been formally diagnosed with a PDD. Patient was brought to the ED by his mother on Friday 2/17 after experiencing a breakdown at work during which pt lost contact with reality (e.g., could not remember where his mother lived, could not remember how to do his work), then became highly agitated. A co-worker drove patient home at which point pt called his father, who then called his mother, for help. Please see Dr. Sage's hospital consultation of 2/17 for background/history leading to this IOP intake evaluation. Pt was d/c'd to the care of his mother after this evaluation with a plan to reconnect with WCR MH via a referral to IOP, but pt later disappeared from the home which led his mother to call 911. (Per patient's father Peter, with whom writer met both together with Zach and privately with Zach's permission, a friend texted pt inviting him to come over without knowing of his fragile mental state. Pt accepted the invitation and then proceeded to BART looking for a train where police found him and placed him on a 5150. Of note, ptt had also reportedly made statements at his workplace that he was suicidal the previous day. Pt was transferred to Fremont Hospital where he remained on an involuntary hold for 72 hours 2/17-2/20. + +Today patient reports that he has no need for MH treatment, noting that people misunderstand him and as a result unfairly pathologize him. Pt discussed at some length his deeply held belief that people are hospitalized routinely against their will due to "authoritarian attempts to control society." He is nevertheless begrudgingly taking his medication as prescribed (Zyrexa 5 mg), but would like to stop taking it immediately but won't act on this because he promised his mother he will continue taking it. Pt did acknowledge symptoms of anxiety, but understands this as a "perfectly healthy response to society's attempt to control me." Pt acknowledged that he sometimes feels that the world is comprised only of words and philosophical principles, but again attributes this experience to others' inability to properly understand him. + +Pt last attended IOP in 2013 and curiously stated that he would "very much like to attend" IOP toward the end of the interview. He noted that he would like some help in learning how to socialize properly. (Writer noted that patient has A limited hx of attending the Social Skills Group in WCR.) His father would like him to attend IOP as well, but acknowledged in open discussion between writer, Zachary and himself that pt may need to be pulled out of group if he cannot control his anger outbursts and demonstrated tendency during this very interview to interrupt others regularly. Writer expressed grave concern that IOP may actually agitate patient given his stated belief that he does not need MH treatment, and noted with patient that he currently appears unable to converse appropriately with others, but patient and father strongly requested that pt be allowed to "try it first" on the condition that he will agree to leave if he becomes disruptive. Peter also explained that Zach becomes "quite compliant" once situated in a group therapy format, and again asked that he be given a chance, which writer agrees to do. (Writer also noted that although pt denied ever attending IOP, he did attend WCR IOP briefly in 2013.) + +Review of Systems: +Reports of: life problems including performance problems at work and interpersonal problems at work. +psychosis including delusions, disorganized speech, disorganized behavior, inappropriate affect and social/occupational impairment. +sleep issues including difficulty falling asleep and difficulty staying asleep. + +Psychosocial History: Patient's parents divorced 8 years ago. Father "Peter" is remarried in Danville to "an optimist" per Peter. Pt has one younger sister who is reportedly supportive. Pt is single and has no children. He attended college briefly but opted to drop out. He has been working successfully for the past 3 years as a programmer for "Swift Stack"; a job he enjoys but very recently decided to take a LOA. Pt has been living independently in an apt with a roommate in Berkeley for the past 9 months but will be staying with his mother in WCR until further notice. Pt notes that he has "a lot of friends" in Berkeley. Per patient's father, these friends are nearly non-functional but provide pt with some sense of community/bond. + +Housing status: Rents a room in Berkeley but currently staying with his mother in WCR +Financial status: Currently dependent on family +Employment status: Employed, currently on LOA +Education level: some college + +Past Psychiatric History: +Outpatient therapy: individual therapy, outpatient treatment, medication management and inpatient hospitalization +Psychiatric hospitalization:total number of admission(s) 2, one in 2013, most recently 2/17-2/20 @ Fremont Hospital + +Abuse History: denies +Legal status: There has been no history of involvement with legal system. + +Family Psychiatric History: positive for depression/anxiety (mother - on Zoloft, maternal grandmother had ECT), positive for schizophrenia (maternal uncle), positive for bipolar disorder (maternal uncle) and positive for suicide (maternal great uncle, maternal uncle, paternal uncle) + + + +MENTAL STATUS EXAMINATION + +Appearance: healthy, appropriately dressed in khakis and black sweatshirt hoodie, disheveled (unshaven, long, curly brown hair in tangles) +Behavior: hyperkinetic and fidgety +Demeanor/Manner: guarded, aloof initially; hostile and aggressive when questioned about his MH symptoms/willingness to engage in tx +Speech : loud, pressured, rambling and hyperverbal, although this improved significantly toward end of interview +Mood: irritable and angry +Affect: appropriate to mood +Thought Process: disorganized and tangential when discussing MH symptoms; retreats into highly intellectualized, incomprehensible philosophy as a defense against disorganization/psychotic thought process +Thought Content: delusions, paranoia +Orientation: person, place and situation +Attention: distractible +Concentration: impaired +Memory: not formally assessed +Fund of Knowledge: normal +Impulse Control: marginal +Insight: poor +Judgment: marginal + +AOQ Results: 3,4 + +RISK ASSESSMENT: + +Suicide Risk: denies + +Homicide Risk: denies + +Other risk issues: poor judgment regarding his need for MH treatment + +Assessment of risk: Pt. voiced no suicidal or homicidal thoughts/feelings and is therefore not at risk of harm to self or others at this time. + + +ASSESSMENT: + +Impression: 29 y/o single male with a longstanding hx of sporadic MH treatment and two psychiatric hospitalizations presents at the behest of his parents for an IOP intake following his recent hospitalization at Telecare Heritage. Pt was initially guarded, argumentative and hostile but calmed considerably during the course of the interview. Patient presents a complex diagnostic picture and demonstrated an inability (at least during this interview) to acknowledge and accept responsibility for his symptoms and recent decompensation in particular, which suggests a characterological component. Pt may require a higher level of care and will be monitored in IOP accordingly. + +DIAGNOSIS: +Axis I: see encounter diagnosis +Axis II: see encounter diagnosis +Axis III: Patient Active Problem List: + CHILDHOOD ASTHMA + DEPRESSION, MAJOR, RECURRENT + ADJUSTMENT DISORDER W ANXIOUS MOOD + +Axis IV: problems with relationships, problems related to social environment and occupational problems +Axis V: 41 - 50 serious symptoms + +Patient consents to psychotherapy treatment. +Risks and benefits of psychotherapy reviewed with patient. +Office policies reviewed. +Member understands responsibility to pay fees and copays associated with his/her treatment.Patient understands psychotherapy treatment. + +PATIENT INFORMATION AND TREATMENT PLAN: +Goals/time frames: +Patient is to remain free of self-harm while in program. +Decrease symptoms as reported by patient. +Increase in coping skills as reported by patient. +Refer patient to Kaiser/community resources as appropriate + +Treatment plan: Attend IOP for 6 sessions/two weeks +Medication evaluation and monitoring prn by MD - NOTE: Pt needs a new MD in this clinic (former Hawkins patient) +Activity therapy for skill building +Process group for support, insight building, and management symptoms +Explain how to access Psychiatric Crisis Services diff --git a/notes/post_ideas.txt b/notes/post_ideas.txt index 4fa252f..845154a 100644 --- a/notes/post_ideas.txt +++ b/notes/post_ideas.txt @@ -1,18 +1,17 @@ Urgent/needed for healing— -_ Trans Kids on the Margin, and Harms From Misleading Training Data +_ Reply to Scott Alexander on Autogenderphilia _ The Two-Type Taxonomy Is a Useful Approximation for ... _ A Hill of Validity in Defense of Meaning Big posts— +_ Trans Kids on the Margin, and Harms From Misleading Training Data _ Book Review: Charles Murray's Facing Reality: Two Truths About Race in America Minor— _ my medianworld: https://www.glowfic.com/replies/1619639#reply-1619639 - _ Happy Meal _ Link: "On Transitions, Freedom of Form, [...]" -_ Reply to Scott Alexander on Autogenderphilia _ https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/WikzbCsFjpLTRQmXn/declustering-reclustering-and-filling-in-thingspace _ Subspatial Distribution Overlap and Cancellable Stereotypes @@ -55,6 +54,7 @@ _ Link: Babylon Bee "It's a Good Life" parody https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20 LW— _ reply to David Silver on AI motivations: https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/SbAgRYo8tkHwhd9Qx/deepmind-the-podcast-excerpts-on-agi#David_Silver_on_it_being_okay_to_have_AGIs_with_different_goals_____ +_ Charles Goodhart Elementary School (story about Reflection Sentences, and the afterschool grader being wrong _ Steering Towards Agreement Is Like Discouraging Betting _ (not really for LW) mediation with Duncan _ Conflict Theory of Bounded Distrust: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/bounded-distrust