From: M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2023 04:54:26 +0000 (-0700) Subject: check in X-Git-Url: http://unremediatedgender.space/source?a=commitdiff_plain;h=beaccab80a796fb33fee1befe4770c01c3993697;p=Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git check in --- diff --git a/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md b/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md index 2713ae6..fa1ab7a 100644 --- a/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md +++ b/content/drafts/blanchards-dangerous-idea-and-the-plight-of-the-lucid-crossdreamer.md @@ -165,7 +165,7 @@ Psychology is very complicated; every human is their own unique snowflake, but i There could be situations in psychology where a good theory (not a perfect theory, but as good as our theories about how to engineer bridges) would be described by (say) a 70-node [causal graph](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/hzuSDMx7pd2uxFc5w/causal-diagrams-and-causal-models), but it turns out that some of [the more "important" variables in the graph happen to anti-correlate with each other](https://surveyanon.wordpress.com/2019/10/27/the-mathematical-consequences-of-a-toy-model-of-gender-transition/), such that stupid humans who don't know how to discover the correct 70-node graph, do manage to pattern-match their way to a two-type typology that actually is better, as a first approximation, than pretending not to have a theory. No one matches any particular clinical-profile stereotype _exactly_, but [the world makes more sense when you have language for theoretical abstractions](https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/ontology-of-psychiatric-conditions) like ["comas"](https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/11/does-the-glasgow-coma-scale-exist-do-comas/) or "depression" or "bipolar disorder"—or "autogynephilia".[^lucky-simplification] -[^lucky-simplification]: In some sense it's a matter of "luck" when the relevant structure in the world happens to simplify so much. For example, [friend of the blog](/tag/tailcalled/) Tailcalled argues that [there's no discrete typology for FtM](https://www.reddit.com/r/Blanchardianism/comments/jp9rmn/there_is_probably_no_ftm_typology/) as there is for the two types of MtF, because the various causes of gender problems in females vary more independently and aren't as stratified by age. +[^lucky-simplification]: In some sense it's a matter of "luck" when the relevant structure in the world happens to simplify so much. For example, [friend of the blog](/tag/tailcalled/) Tailcalled argues that [there's no discrete typology for FtM](https://surveyanon.wordpress.com/2023/02/12/there-is-probably-no-ftm-typology/) as there is for the two types of MtF, because the various causes of gender problems in females vary more independently and aren't as stratified by age. [I claim that femininity and autogynephilia are two such anti-correlated nodes in the True Causal Graph](/2022/Jul/the-two-type-taxonomy-is-a-useful-approximation-for-a-more-detailed-causal-model/). They're anti-correlated because they're both children of the sexual orientation node, whose value pushes them in _opposite directions_: gay men are more feminine than straight men,[^gay-femininity], and autogynephiles want to be women because we're straight. @@ -233,7 +233,7 @@ One trans woman told me that autogynephilia is a typical element of cis woman se Another wrote a comment in one discussion condemning "autogynephilia discourse" and expressing skepticism at the idea that someone would undergo a complete medical and social transition because of a fetish: it might be _possible_, she admitted, but it must be extremely rare. Elsewhere on the internet, the _same goddamned person_ reported being into gender-bender manga and finding it arousing at the same time when she was first seriously questioning her gender identity. -Was it rude of me to confront her on the contradiction in her PMs? Yes, it was extremely rude; all else being equal, I would prefer _not_ to probe into other people's private lives and suggest that they're lying to themselves. But when they lie to the public, that affects _me_, and my attempts to figure out _my_ life. Is it a conscious political ploy, I asked her, or are people _really_ unable to entertain the hypothesis that their beautiful pure self-identity feelings are causally related to the fetish? If it's a conscious political ploy, [I wished someone would just say, "Congratulations, you figured out the secret, now keep quiet about it or else,"](/2016/new-clothes/) rather than trying to _undermine my connection of reality_; I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, but this was _really personally disturbing_. +Was it rude of me to confront her on the contradiction in her PMs? Yes, it was extremely rude; all else being equal, I would prefer _not_ to probe into other people's private lives and suggest that they're lying to themselves. But when they lie to the public, that affects _me_, and my attempts to figure out _my_ life. Is it a conscious political ploy, I asked her, or are people _really_ unable to entertain the hypothesis that their beautiful pure self-identity feelings are causally related to the fetish? If it's a conscious political ploy, [I wished someone would just say, "Congratulations, you figured out the secret, now keep quiet about it or else,"](/2016/new-clothes/) rather than trying to _undermine my connection to reality_; I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, but this was _really personally disturbing_. She said that she had to deal with enough invalidation already, that she had her own doubts and concerns but would only discuss them with people who shared her views. Fair enough—I'm not entitled to talk to anyone who doesn't want to talk to me, even if I personally find it pathetic that grown adults need to protect themselves from "invalidation". @@ -277,9 +277,9 @@ Or I remember one night we were talking in the living room. I think she was sad (I'm not saying I was _right_ to say it; I'm admitting that I _did_ say it) -—I said, "Can I touch your breasts?" and she said, "No." +—I said, "Can I touch your breasts?" and she said, "No," and nothing happened. -Nothing happened. What's significant is that I would have _ever_ said that to an actual ("cis") woman in a similar context—definitely not one who was _staying at my house_. I have ethics—and Comment 171 syndrome, which I hope is not the same thing. This was different, I thought. I had reason to believe that "Helen" was _like me_, and the reason it felt ethically okay to ask was because I was less afraid of hurting her on that account—that whatever evolutionary-psychological brain adaptation women have to be especially afraid of males probably _wasn't there_. +I don't think I would have _ever_ said that to an actual ("cis") woman in a similar context—definitely not one who was _staying at my house_. I have ethics—and Comment 171 syndrome, which I hope is not the same thing. This was different, I thought. I had reason to believe that "Helen" was _like me_, and the reason it felt ethically okay to ask was because I was less afraid of hurting her on that account—that whatever evolutionary-psychological brain adaptation women have to be especially afraid of males probably _wasn't there_. ------- @@ -425,7 +425,7 @@ She had also read a lot about related topics (in part because of her own history She asked if I was at all suicidal. (I wasn't.) -And just—these are all very reasonable opinions. If I were her (if only!), I'm sure I would believe the same thing. But if so many nice, smart, reasonable liberals privately notice that the public narrative is very singular, and none of them are interested in pointing out that the singular narrative is _not true_, because they mostly appreciate how the singular narrative has been culturally important—doesn't that—_shouldn't_ that—put a damper on how trustworthy the consensus of the nice, smart, reasonable liberals is? How do you _know_ what's good in the real world, if you [mostly live in the fake world of the narrative](/2019/Aug/the-social-construction-of-reality-and-the-sheer-goddamned-pointlessness-of-reason/)? +And just—these are all very reasonable opinions. If I were her (if only!), I'm sure I would believe the same things. But if so many nice, smart, reasonable liberals privately notice that the public narrative is very singular, and none of them are interested in pointing out that the singular narrative is _not true_, because they appreciate how the singular narrative has been culturally important—doesn't that—_shouldn't_ that—put a damper on how trustworthy the consensus of the nice, smart, reasonable liberals is? How do you _know_ what's good in the real world, if you [mostly live in the fake world of the narrative](/2019/Aug/the-social-construction-of-reality-and-the-sheer-goddamned-pointlessness-of-reason/)? ------ diff --git a/content/drafts/standing-under-the-same-sky.md b/content/drafts/standing-under-the-same-sky.md index 910503f..6b8829d 100644 --- a/content/drafts/standing-under-the-same-sky.md +++ b/content/drafts/standing-under-the-same-sky.md @@ -908,7 +908,7 @@ That is, the difference between "spoilers" (sometimes useful) and "coverups" (ba As for the claim that my thinking was distorted and I was arguing instead of seeing, it was definitely true that I was _motivated to look for_ criticisms of Yudkowsky and dath ilan, for personal reasons outside the scope of the server, and I thought it was great for people to notice this and take it into account. I hoped to nevertheless be competent to only report real criticisms and not fake criticisms. (Whether I succeeded, of course, was up to the reader to decide.) -[TODO: Yudkowsky tests me] +[TODO: Yudkowsky tests me: (despite "Do not let the argument wander and become about something else, such as someone's virtue as a rationalist")] [TODO: derail with Lintamande] diff --git a/notes/memoir-sections.md b/notes/memoir-sections.md index 84542d5..56b40be 100644 --- a/notes/memoir-sections.md +++ b/notes/memoir-sections.md @@ -20,19 +20,31 @@ marked TODO blocks— ✓ Rob's thread, first contact with Ben [pt. 2] ✓ A/a alumna consult details [pt. 2] -✓ touch up Persongen explanation [pt. 2] +[pt. 2] +✓ touch up Persongen explanation ✓ touch up "Helen" key photo explanation -✓ summarize "Dear Totally Excellent Rationalist Friends" +✓ "Dear Totally Excellent Rationalist Friends" ✓ explain date with "Noreen" -- Facebook meltdown -_ October 11th posts - - +✓ Lawrence language-policing +✓ emails from Michael +✓ October 11th post +✓ commments on "Dear Totally Excellent Rationalist Friends" +_ Daphne Koller and the Methods post +_ comments on nice, mean versions +_ mental state and visiting Divia +_ sleepless Valentine's Day +_ fully off the rails 15–17 February +_ Sept. 2016 conversation with S.C. + +[pt. 6] - Eliezerfic fight: Big Yud tests me [pt. 6] _ Eliezerfic fight: derail with lintamande [pt. 6] _ Eliezerfic fight: knives, and showing myself out [pt. 6] -_ Facebook tantrum [pt. 2] +[pt. 2] +_ Jan. discussion with "Wilhelm" (should also include Sep. discussion?) +_ "model clicked"/Feb. discussion with "Wilhelm" + _ psych ward [pt. 2] _ emailing Blanchard/Bailey/Hsu/Lawrence [pt. 2] @@ -77,12 +89,17 @@ _ "counterfactual boyfriend"/It's California in the year 2016 it was actually "wander onto the AGI mailing list wanting to build a really big semantic net" (https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/9HGR5qatMGoz4GhKj/above-average-ai-scientists) With internet available— +_ +_ Avatar state +_ occasions when it was genuinely on-topic (link to "Changing Emotions" comments) +_ patterns of refactored agency _ check timing of comments on nice/mean versions?? _ Castro Theatre name/spelling +_ look back at more of the Facebook posts from meltdown +_ "Totally Excellent" root of the disagreement _ check that "Totally Excellent" comments with Noreen were all before movie date? _ Ben "put a Like on my comments", plural? _ "pretty productive blogging spree" should be links to minor posts -_ look back at all the Facebook posts I cite in my outline _ click-to-reveal spoiler block image _ more Discord italics-correction _ "around plot relevant sentences" ... only revealing, which, specifically? @@ -121,6 +138,8 @@ _ Anna's claim that Scott was a target specifically because he was good, my coun _ Yudkowsky's LW moderation policy far editing tier— +_ get exact dates and correct Sequencing on late 2016 conversations +_ mention Michael's influence and South Park recs in late 2016? _ probably give Amelia as pseudonym? _ didn't "Helen" also send me $8 for the key, and the bank statement had her deadname on it? _ re Persongen, footnote or sentences about how I knew I was wrong to use naïve-Bayes on facets, but I didn't know what was right @@ -2305,17 +2324,6 @@ need to fit this in somewhere— Everyone believed this in 2005! Everyone _still_ believes this! -https://www.facebook.com/zmdavis/posts/10154424272680199 -> Happy Coming Out Day! I'm a male with mild gender dysphoria which is almost certainly causally related to my autogynephilic sexual/romantic orientation, which I am genuinely proud of! This has no particular implications for how other people should interact with me! -> I believe that late-onset gender dysphoria in males is almost certainly not an intersex condition. (Here "late-onset" is a term of art meant to distinguish people like me from those with early-onset gender dysphoria, which is characterized by lifelong feminine behavior and a predominantly androphilic sexual orientation. Anne Vitale writes about these as "Group Three" and "Group One" in "The Gender Variant Phenomenon": http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm ) I think it's important to not let the political struggle to secure people's rights to self-modification interfere with the pursuit of scientific knowledge, because having a realistic understanding of the psychological mechanisms underlying one's feelings is often useful in helping individuals make better decisions about their own lives in accordance with the actual costs and benefits of available interventions (rather than on the basis of some hypothesized innate identity). Even if the mechanisms turn out to not be what one thought they were—ultimately, people can stand what is true. -> Because we are already enduring it. -Too subtle? (40 Likes, one comment from my half-brother) - - -https://www.facebook.com/zmdavis/posts/10154807871200199 -> Some of you may have noticed that I've recently decided to wage a suicidally aggressive one-person culture war campaign with the aim of liberating mindshare from the delusional victimhood identity politics mind-virus and bringing it under the control of our familiar "compete for status by signaling cynical self-awareness" egregore! The latter is actually probably not as Friendly as we like to think, as some unknown fraction of its output is counterfeit utility in the form of seemingly cynically self-aware insights that are, in fact, not true. Even if the fraction of counterfeit insights is near unity, the competition to generate seemingly cynically self-aware insights is so obviously much healthier than the competition for designated victimhood status, that I feel good about this campaign being morally correct, even the amount of mindshare liberated is small and I personally don't survive. - - > Dear Totally Excellent Rationalist Friends: > As a transhumanist and someone with a long, long history of fantasizing about having the property, I am of course strongly in favor of there being social norms and institutions that are carefully designed to help people achieve their lifelong dream of acquiring the property, or rather, the best approximation thereof that is achievable given the marked limitations of existing technology. @@ -2340,4 +2348,27 @@ matchmaking thread (thread was 4 February, relevant comments were 7 February): h Sat Feb 11 12:49:33 PST 2017 -just like it's possible to identify as a woman despite not having unusually many female-typical traits, it's also possible to identify as a liberal despite not having unusually many liberal-typical beliefs \ No newline at end of file +just like it's possible to identify as a woman despite not having unusually many female-typical traits, it's also possible to identify as a liberal despite not having unusually many liberal-typical beliefs + + + + "sender_name": "Zack M. Davis", + "timestamp_ms": 1530601286979, + "content": "and am continually haunted by the suspicion that the conjunction of my biological +sex and my highly refined taste for bullet-biting, may not be a coincidence", + "type": "Generic" + }, + { + "sender_name": "Zack M. Davis", + "timestamp_ms": 1530601211347, + "content": "I always want to fantasize that if I were a woman, I would have the strength to bi +te the bullet, \"Yes, we masculine-of-center women are forming the coalition to petition for better +treatment by Society, while acknowleding that there are systematic evolutionary reasons why Society +is this way currently\"", + "type": "Generic" + }, + { + "sender_name": "Zack M. Davis", + "timestamp_ms": 1530601116141, + "content": "there was a NRx whose take [...] was so disagreeable that he got downvoted into oblivion on /r/slatestarcodex (and remember, /r/slatestarcodex is already pretty right-wing by San Francisco standards) who also had a post on the \"feminism appeals to masculine-of-center women\" hypothesis http://www.ericwulff.com/blog/?p=1861 which deserves more credit than it gets (it acknowledges within-group variation!)", + "type": "Generic" diff --git a/notes/memoir_wordcounts.csv b/notes/memoir_wordcounts.csv index d6e241a..64d6eb4 100644 --- a/notes/memoir_wordcounts.csv +++ b/notes/memoir_wordcounts.csv @@ -335,4 +335,8 @@ 03/17/2023,101036,1233 03/18/2023,102151,1115 03/19/2023,102151,0 -03/20/2023,, +03/20/2023,102161,10 +03/21/2023,102645,484 +03/22/2023,103844,1199 +03/23/2023,104987,1143 +03/24/2023, \ No newline at end of file