11 April 2017 S: hola me: Hi, I'm recovering at Alicorn's house, which is called Volterra; I'm practicing counting books and money in order to prove to myself that physical reality is real and that I can interact with it in predictable ways S: hi i'm gonna skype into the talk in half an hour counting is gr9 me: Are people behind the scenes talking about how to take care of me because I'm being really obnoxious in a cry for help? Is that what you mean by "the talk"? Or do you mean something else by "the talk"? I like how you used "gr9", which is something I say a lot, because it's like gr8 plus 1. The reason I'm being really obnoxious is because I'm angry because I feel like the entire world has been lying to me about trans women being women, but you should be suspicious of my choice to phrase it that way because it's like I'm emotionally blackmailing you, and blackmail is bad. Did you sync up with Katie Cohen about the trans women thing? I told Katie to sync up with you OK, now I understand what my mother meant when she said I was acting like a child I kind of am S: she didn't talk to you much about it talk = planning to help you w/ recovery, it's not that you're being obnoxious --- 12 April 2017 S: hey, you doing ok? me: I'm fine; this "unilaterally forcing an evaluation" strategy is making me feel calmer i'm not sure what universally forcing an evaluation is? *unilaterally S: I'm making a lot of threats and promises and predictions and bets so that I can calibrate my model of social reality with my model of physical reality, for example, when I think I see a flash on the screen that I'm afraid might be an AI fucking with my head, if I reflect on that for just a moment (giving myself a _very quick_ feedback loop), it turns out to just be that my hand was shaking because I'm irrationally angry at the entire universe; I think [J] will know what I mean by the phrase "forcing an evaluation"; you'll probably like her because she's trans (I think this info us public??) and you told me that you like trans women [THIS BRACKETED TEXT TO BE EXPLAINED LATER IN THIS MESSAGE] what's really amazing is that she would totally pass if only she did something with her voice (and passing is The Holy Grail for autogynephilic trans women, and [J] fits in that bucket of my model even though [J] has a different model and I haven't finished syncing up with her yet on this topic; you said that you like Alyssa, but I don't think Alyssa passes very well; feel free to quote me on the first parts of this message I bumped the send button too early S: hi Zack I like [J] ok (we've talked philosophy some) +1 for empiricism on the flash I live in Berkeley, I can tell who is trans sorry for not knowing the intellectual phrases me: It's OK to not know the intellectual phrases, because ppl who don't have gender dysphoria themselves don't have an incentive to read up on the science S: (you've probably been told this before but just in case: I wanted to get in touch w/ you to say that it's better not to wander around where there's a risk of you being picked up & committed, in case that wasn't something you'd considered.) me: No, it's important to calibrate the probability of that actually happening with my model of how I actually behave when I'm upset; the absolute probability is pretty low because I've only been kidnapped for crying in public twice in the past ten years, which is not very often S: not very likely in a short time period, i guess still more than most people's comfort zone, which is never anyhow, I'm not around, it's up to you, obligation discharged. me: I definitely agree that the obligation is discharged S: I'll be back this weekend (and we can go back to talking about your thing, sorry for abrupt change of subject) me: thx