I think I handled it reasonably well?—hemming and stalling for a few seconds before eventually giving _he_, with a disclaimer that the reason I hesitated was because I don't want to imply that I _identify_ with masculinity—it's complicated. The questioner, sensing my discomfort, made an effort to placate or reassure me: "Sure," the person said, nodding, "That's just what you're using right now; that's cool."
-The question was a compliment, really. I don't think they would have asked if I had had a beard. There's _no chance_ of anyone mistaking me for a woman—but maybe the conjunction of my beautiful-beautiful ponytail and my manner and my [slight gynecomastia](/2017/Sep/hormones-day-156-developments-doubts-and-pulling-the-plug-or-putting-the-cis-in-decision/) is enough for me to be mistaken for the kind of man ([in the sense of](/2018/Apr/reply-to-the-unit-of-caring-on-adult-human-females/) adult human male) who thinks he can demand that other people perceive him as a woman or nonbinary person. (I think I'm at least as credibly androgynous as a couple of the guys I saw wearing the _they/them/theirs_ stickers.)
+The question was a compliment, really. I don't think they would have asked if I had had a beard. There's _no chance_ of anyone mistaking me for a woman—but maybe the conjunction of my beautiful–beautiful ponytail and my manner and my [slight gynecomastia](/2017/Sep/hormones-day-156-developments-doubts-and-pulling-the-plug-or-putting-the-cis-in-decision/) is enough for me to be mistaken for the kind of man ([in the sense of](/2018/Apr/reply-to-the-unit-of-caring-on-adult-human-females/) adult human male) who thinks he can demand that other people perceive him as a woman or nonbinary person. (I think I'm at least as credibly androgynous as a couple of the guys I saw wearing the _they/them/theirs_ stickers.)
How strange it is—to be _seen_ and _unseen_ at the same time. Seen, because nice smart progressive people know to look for cues of gender variance and accord that with deference and latitude, such that I parse (correctly!) as someone who plausibly has some kind of gender problems, rather than "man who happens to have long hair for whatever stupid but uninteresting reason."
projects / Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git / blobdiff