X-Git-Url: http://unremediatedgender.space/source?p=Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git;a=blobdiff_plain;f=content%2Fdrafts%2Fdoubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md;h=e8ff15316a2c15a33183462c4fbde9bd49c0a6d9;hp=08a6b920c2067a7295f48d81bb4c853b33c52369;hb=9ef3518cacf99db890ceb819c94173e6ba906195;hpb=db41107d702d1fab04c522b986c88f5c25bfeb4d

diff --git a/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md b/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md
index 08a6b92..e8ff153 100644
--- a/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md
+++ b/content/drafts/doubts-fears-wishes-trajectories-or-hormones-day-15X.md
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
-Title: Doubts, Fears, Wishes, Trajectories; Or, Hormones Day 15X
-Date: 2017-09-17
+Title: Hormones Day 154: Pulling the Plug; Or, Putting the "Cis" in "Decision"
+Date: 2017-09-25
 Category: other
-Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition
+Tags: HRT diary, not-a-transition, personal
 Status: draft
 
 > Still, my relationships with women were decidedly odd. "What's it _like_ to have breasts?" I'd ask. "How does it _feel_?" It was a question women found baffling.
@@ -12,18 +12,41 @@ Status: draft
 
 It's _possible_ that this was a bad idea.
 
-It would be one thing
+It would be one thing if I was actually _noticing_ the emotional and sensory changes that a lot of trans women report. While the psychological effects of HRT (and therefore, the [activational effects](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organizational-Activational_Hypothesis) of hormones in normal people who _aren't_ fucking with their biochemistry) being large would be _bad_ news from the standpoint of my ideological/sentimental [hope that psychological sex differences are small](http://unremediatedgender.space/2017/Feb/a-beacon-through-the-darkness-or-getting-it-right-the-first-time/), at least I would get the consolation of getting to experience the other side for myself, the True Secret of Being Hormonally Female. At the same time, 
 
+----
+
+
+my gynecomastia—my breasts?
+
+impact on dating
+
+"end of the line
+
+legitimacy is kind of a bad reason to be making medical decisions
 
 
 not a terribly practical body part
 
 we'll see how I feel when my libido comes back
 
+genetic children
 
 every year or so I go through a phrase
 
 (any single cis women reading this, please email me)
 
+want to tell you
+
+
+
+Diary entry no. 318, 24 March 2009—
+
+> If it makes sense to speak of stripping away my autogynephila and my explicitly egalitarian-individualist ideology, would my very soul be revealed as male? 
+
+(Editor's note: _yes_.)
+
+> And if so, what can I do about it? What violence could I inflict upon me to make me my _self_?
+>
+> I don't think I ever told you: someday it would be nice to experiment with some androgen-blocking drugs―you know, to see what it would feel like to be on them. But if I'm going to do something like that, it would be nice to have a better job and not be living with my parents―oh Diary, how it all hangs together!
 
-want to tell you 
\ No newline at end of file