+But many of the people I talked to seemed to report similar experiences to me—at least, to the low resolution of the conversation; talking about this stuff _at all_ was hard enough, that I wasn't going to press people for the specific details of their sexual fantasies—but seemed to me to be either pretty delusional, or privately pretty sane but (from my view) oddly indifferent to the state of public knowledge.
+
+One trans woman told me that autogynephilia is a typical element of cis woman sexuality. (This, I had learned, was a [standard cope](https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/the-gostak-distims-the-doshes/), but one I have [never found remotely plausible](/2021/May/sexual-dimorphism-in-the-sequences-in-relation-to-my-gender-problems/#am-i-supposed-to-claim).) She told me that if I don't feel like a boy, I'm probably not one. (Okay, but again, _what does that mean?_ [TODO: what is the underlying truth that "probably" is pointing at])
+
+Another wrote a comment in one discussion expressing skepticism at the idea that someone would undergo a complete medical and social transition because of a fetish: it might be _possible_, she admitted, but it must be extremely unlikely. Elsewhere on the internet, the _same goddamned person_ reported being sexually into gender-bender manga and finding it arousing at the same time when she was first seriously questioning her gender identity. [TODO: my reaction; it's rude for me to probe and doubt, but this is gaslighting]
+
+The privately-sane responses were more interesting. "People are crazy about metaphysics," one told me (quotes edited for clarity and grammar). "That's not new. Compare with transubstantiation and how much scholarly work went in to trying to square it with natural materialism. As for causality, I think it's likely that the true explanation will not take the shape of an easily understood narrative."
+
+Later, she told me, "It's kind of funny how the part where you're being annoying isn't where you're being all TERFy and socially unacceptable, but where you make very strong assumptions about truth due to being a total nerd and positivist—mind you, the vast majority of times people deviate from this the consequences are terrible."
+
+Another trans woman I talked to was less philosophical. "I'm an AGP trans girl who really likes anime, 4chan memes, and the like, and who hangs around a lot with ... AGP trans girls who like anime, 4chan memes, and the like," she said. "It doesn't matter to me all that much if some specific group doesn't take me seriously. As long as trans women are pretty OK at respectability politics and cis people in general don't hate us, then it's probably not something I have to worry about."
+
+As the tension between what I was seeing and what I felt allowed to say in public kept mounting, I started
+
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/concerns/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/identity/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/apostasy/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/07/wicked-transcendence/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/ineffective-deconversion-pitch/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/falself/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/08/prescription/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-world-by-gaslight/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/the-roark-quirrell-effect/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/book-recommendations-i/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/wicked-transcendence-ii/
+http://zackmdavis.net/blog/2016/09/concerns-ii/