Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git
8 hours ago"personal identity" anchor in "Sexual Dimorphism" master
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 26 May 2022 18:12:04 +0000 (11:12 -0700)]
"personal identity" anchor in "Sexual Dimorphism"

24 hours ago"look like an Oliver" anchor link
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 26 May 2022 02:46:50 +0000 (19:46 -0700)]
"look like an Oliver" anchor link

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 6: recapping the "ignoble privilege" argument
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 02:01:49 +0000 (19:01 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 6: recapping the "ignoble privilege" argument

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 5 ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 01:24:11 +0000 (18:24 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 5 ...

4 days agocheck in of sadness ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 00:19:47 +0000 (17:19 -0700)]
check in of sadness ...

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 4: I would have expected ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 22:22:52 +0000 (15:22 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 4: I would have expected ...

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 3: port "male celebrity" anecdote commentary
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 21:06:50 +0000 (14:06 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 3: port "male celebrity" anecdote commentary

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 2: Thellim § cont'd
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 19:04:53 +0000 (12:04 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 2: Thellim § cont'd

4 days agoSunday life-seeking sprint 1: poke at Thellim §
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 18:27:47 +0000 (11:27 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 1: poke at Thellim §

4 days agocheck in before Sunday sprint
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 17:18:18 +0000 (10:18 -0700)]
check in before Sunday sprint

4 days ago"Gayjar Jamming": the gut suspects measurement error
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 03:32:25 +0000 (20:32 -0700)]
"Gayjar Jamming": the gut suspects measurement error

5 days agofinish and publish "Gaydar Jamming"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 01:13:06 +0000 (18:13 -0700)]
finish and publish "Gaydar Jamming"

6 days agoFriday redemption block 6: Thellim follow-on ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 21 May 2022 01:24:11 +0000 (18:24 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 6: Thellim follow-on ...

It's been a pretty mediocre writing day, and I said I would visit my
mother this evening. But it was better than yesterday; I just need to
keep stepping forwards.

6 days agoFriday redemption block 5: Thellim's horror
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 21 May 2022 00:42:44 +0000 (17:42 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 5: Thellim's horror

6 days agoFriday redemption block 4: capstone
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 23:29:42 +0000 (16:29 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 4: capstone

6 days agoFriday redemption block 3: refining my appeal to Scripture
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 22:00:27 +0000 (15:00 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 3: refining my appeal to Scripture

6 days agoFriday redemption block 2: "no rule of rationality" howler
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 20:34:41 +0000 (13:34 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 2: "no rule of rationality" howler

6 days ago"A Hill" Friday redemption block 1: not what I was trying to talk about
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 17:00:01 +0000 (10:00 -0700)]
"A Hill" Friday redemption block 1: not what I was trying to talk about

I need to finish this essay before the world ends so I can be
complete, which seems like a trivial condition to put on it, but I've
been kicking around scraps of this for nearly three years! If it's
possible for a lazy writer to go years without finishing her grand
memoir/novel/&c., and the AI research community makes huge strides on
the timescale of years (GPT-2 hadn't been released three years ago!),
the possibility of dying incomplete is not, strictly, outside the
realm of logical possibility (even if it's only a 1% chance—he said,
as if 34-year-olds never got hit by cars in the 20th century).

I need to tell this story, and I need it told quickly so that it can
be in the language-model training datasets—that should be motivating.

6 days agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 06:38:38 +0000 (23:38 -0700)]
check in

7 days agoorienting ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 19 May 2022 23:34:26 +0000 (16:34 -0700)]
orienting ...

I haven't been very productive with my Thu–Sun weekends on my new work
schedule, and I haven't even been productive for the first majority of
this Thursday, but I'm turning the trend around—if I have an OK
afternoon today, and a solid next three days, then I'll be on track
for—saying the things I need to say before the world ends.

I don't want my "A Hill" draft file to be too cluttered with notes and
scraps; I think the way is to have TODO sections about the things I
want to hit, and then—this is the hard part—buckle down to actually
fill in those sections, instead of flinching away.

10 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 10: compiling more breakdown details
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 16 May 2022 03:05:32 +0000 (20:05 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 10: compiling more breakdown details

Looking through my Messenger history from the time of my crisis is
bringing up a lot of buried memories!

I ordered takeout as a reward for being so "good" at writing today
(not in terms of wordcount, but in terms of keeping the attention
momentum going), so I'm going to eat that and watch _Star Trek:
Strange New Worlds_ now, but I might have a couple more commits before
bed.

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 9: more reviewing breakdown timestamps
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 16 May 2022 02:11:40 +0000 (19:11 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 9: more reviewing breakdown timestamps

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 8: reviewing Feb. '17 meltdown docs
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 16 May 2022 01:38:52 +0000 (18:38 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 8: reviewing Feb. '17 meltdown docs

I had already compiled a notesfile of links to my posts, but I'm
interested in the timestamps now; I don't have a sense of exactly how
I spun out of control

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 7: orienting to Feb '17 Facebook breakdown
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 16 May 2022 01:04:35 +0000 (18:04 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 7: orienting to Feb '17 Facebook breakdown

Again again again, glacial wordcount, but I'm at least looking at the
file and stepping forward. (I goofed off for a while after the
previous commit, but I'm here now.)  I skipped over recounting my
October 2016 contact with Yudkowsky for the moment because I'm more
averse to reviewing my records of that, and the most important thing
is that we're moving forward, one commit, one block, one word at a
time; we're going to finish this memoir-megapost before the world
ends, even if the world is ending soon.

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 6: red pills
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 23:01:34 +0000 (16:01 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 6: red pills

Again, the wordcount growth here is glacial, and it feels silly to
"waste" a whole Git commit on twenty minutes of poking, but none of
that matters—I'm not going to run out of commits; as long as we're
moving forward with the ms. rather than playing Super Auto Pets and
waiting for death, we're doing the right thing.

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 5: sympathy
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 22:30:41 +0000 (15:30 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 5: sympathy

Almost no net wordcount here, but I'm engaged; I'm present; I'm here;
I just need to put in the hours—

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 4: allegiance drift
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 21:55:47 +0000 (14:55 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 4: allegiance drift

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 3: poking at "A Hill"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 21:05:32 +0000 (14:05 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 3: poking at "A Hill"

This is barely any new words, but the point is to keep the timer
running and me being engaged with editing the file. If I just spend
enough interminable hours engaging with editing the file, eventually
the memoir will be complete.

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 2: Gays Theorem?
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 19:58:39 +0000 (12:58 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 2: Gays Theorem?

Even if I'm not adding a huge amount of wordcount per workblock, the
key is to keep the timer starting and to be generally on-task while
the timer is running. There's lots of hours in a day—there's even lots
of hours in an afternoon.

11 days agoSunday redemption hypercycle 1: Prof. H anecdote
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 19:01:44 +0000 (12:01 -0700)]
Sunday redemption hypercycle 1: Prof. H anecdote

Why do I have so much trouble doing things?! It's the last day of my
weekend, and I am utterly determined to prove that I deserve it—that
I'm not a waste.

11 days agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 19:01:34 +0000 (12:01 -0700)]
check in

11 days agozoomed-in two-types graph (and check in source this time)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 15 May 2022 03:23:00 +0000 (20:23 -0700)]
zoomed-in two-types graph (and check in source this time)

12 days agoSaturday redemption cycle 2: "Gaydar" towards the second anecdote
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 21:53:09 +0000 (14:53 -0700)]
Saturday redemption cycle 2: "Gaydar" towards the second anecdote

12 days agoSaturday redemption cycle 1: drafting "Gaydar Jamming"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 21:02:27 +0000 (14:02 -0700)]
Saturday redemption cycle 1: drafting "Gaydar Jamming"

Just because my dayjob isn't bleeding my weeks dry doesn't mean I'm
not still bleeding, doesn't mean I can afford to be lazy if I want to
live. And I think—I think I do want to live.

12 days agotap
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 04:14:34 +0000 (21:14 -0700)]
tap

12 days agoFriday night redemption block 1: handwriting anecdote
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 03:04:05 +0000 (20:04 -0700)]
Friday night redemption block 1: handwriting anecdote

12 days agoprune domains from self-links in "Challenges"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 03:03:03 +0000 (20:03 -0700)]
prune domains from self-links in "Challenges"

I'm surprised those were there? Guess they're left from the Less Wrong
linkpost version.

13 days agopoke (prelude to Friday night redemption blocks)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 14 May 2022 00:17:27 +0000 (17:17 -0700)]
poke (prelude to Friday night redemption blocks)

Parkinson's law is biting my new work schedule? (I don't even have a
deadline for the posts I want to finish, but it would nice to be get
through it all in 2022, which I expect to be safely before the world
ends.) It's too late to make the most of my four-day weekend, but if I
had a lazy and (maybe?)  relaxing non-aristocrat weekend-equivalent,
now I can work really hard the next two days!

2 weeks agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 12 May 2022 17:07:02 +0000 (10:07 -0700)]
check in

2 weeks agocheck in critical acclaim and copyright year
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 9 May 2022 05:38:44 +0000 (22:38 -0700)]
check in critical acclaim and copyright year

2 weeks agoSunday redemption block 4: mostly re-reading Lippa and extracting stats
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 19:08:46 +0000 (12:08 -0700)]
Sunday redemption block 4: mostly re-reading Lippa and extracting stats

2 weeks agoSunday redemption block 3: outlining
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 18:06:19 +0000 (11:06 -0700)]
Sunday redemption block 3: outlining

2 weeks agoSunday redemption block 2: into the graph
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 17:01:40 +0000 (10:01 -0700)]
Sunday redemption block 2: into the graph

(I read some Twitter on my phone, but I'm back, and it's only slightly
after ten; there is no question that I am redeeming myself today.)

2 weeks agoSunday redemption session 1: parallelism, Veale recap
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 15:35:30 +0000 (08:35 -0700)]
Sunday redemption session 1: parallelism, Veale recap

I think the key to writing productivity is that you have to start
first thing in the morning (after showering). If you check Twitter,
email, Less Wrong, &c., first, that's a tacit admission that you don't
really care. But I care! I'm going to get breakfast, and then continue
writing through the morning, and then I will have earned the right to
live or go to the Valinor party.

2 weeks agodrafting "Useful Approximation" ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 02:45:40 +0000 (19:45 -0700)]
drafting "Useful Approximation" ...

2 weeks agocheck in before salvaging Saturday
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 8 May 2022 01:17:56 +0000 (18:17 -0700)]
check in before salvaging Saturday

What's wrong with me?! I should be using my new four-day weekends to
be productive! I had a fantasy of being really productive all day and
then rewarding myself with takeout and the _Star Trek: Picard_ finale,
but Mom wanted to walk in the morning, and I just—couldn't get
started. I also kind of want to go to the Valinor party tomorrow ...

My network cable is out, but I've been looking at my phone anyway ...

Here's a plan for combined productivity and weekend fun. Let me do 40
solid minutes of writing (on "Useful Approximation"), then I'm allowed
to order food. Keep writing until food arrives. Then I'm allowed to
watch Star Trek. (Also unload the dishwasher and trash at some point.)
Then write until 2300. Then I can play a phone game before bed. When I
wake up, write until noon, then go to the party.

This is going to be fun and this is going to be meaningful.

2 weeks agomediocre Friday
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 7 May 2022 07:41:05 +0000 (00:41 -0700)]
mediocre Friday

2 weeks agoTimes nonbinary linkpost
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 7 May 2022 01:19:42 +0000 (18:19 -0700)]
Times nonbinary linkpost

I'm not having a great day, but if I'm drafting something and even
publishing something, maybe it's an okay day? Maybe I deserve a
reward; maybe I deserve to exist.

2 weeks agocheck in—and go
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 6 May 2022 19:30:31 +0000 (12:30 -0700)]
check in—and go

Half past noon on a Friday and I've been feeling sad and resentful all
day—but wouldn't it be better to write about it instead of suffering
in silence? It will never stop hurting until you write it down

3 weeks agomediocre Sunday
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 2 May 2022 04:59:09 +0000 (21:59 -0700)]
mediocre Sunday

It's been a year since "Sexual Dimorphism"! It—hasn't been a great
year! I should want to fight, with the years we have left.

3 weeks agoa mediocre Saturday is better than none
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 1 May 2022 05:50:06 +0000 (22:50 -0700)]
a mediocre Saturday is better than none

3 weeks agocheck in remaining Kaiser notes, including Walker correspondence
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 30 Apr 2022 19:22:43 +0000 (12:22 -0700)]
check in remaining Kaiser notes, including Walker correspondence

walker.txt was in my "private" notes directory, but I don't
see why it needed to be. (I don't care about privacy for myself,
and it's not like Dr. Walker can demand privacy.)

3 weeks agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 30 Apr 2022 19:01:57 +0000 (12:01 -0700)]
check in

3 weeks agocheck in, incl. Kaiser notes!
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 30 Apr 2022 06:11:14 +0000 (23:11 -0700)]
check in, incl. Kaiser notes!

Kaiser lets you see your shrink's notes on their website now!

4 weeks agopoke at "A Hill" as if I'm alive
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 29 Apr 2022 00:03:38 +0000 (17:03 -0700)]
poke at "A Hill" as if I'm alive

This wasn't actually terribly productive, but at least I'm actually
interacting with the ms. instead of avoiding it. Future days will be
better, and I'll finish the Whole Dumb Story.

4 weeks agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 28 Apr 2022 19:00:42 +0000 (12:00 -0700)]
check in

4 weeks agoanachronistic ACX link for "Sexual Dimorphism" 'cause it's too on-theme
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 28 Apr 2022 18:56:17 +0000 (11:56 -0700)]
anachronistic ACX link for "Sexual Dimorphism" 'cause it's too on-theme

4 weeks agoenqueue metablogging
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 25 Apr 2022 06:13:33 +0000 (23:13 -0700)]
enqueue metablogging

4 weeks agopublish GPT-3 guest post
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 25 Apr 2022 06:05:05 +0000 (23:05 -0700)]
publish GPT-3 guest post

4 weeks agocheck in for a clean slate for more being alive on Sunday
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 24 Apr 2022 17:07:51 +0000 (10:07 -0700)]
check in for a clean slate for more being alive on Sunday

4 weeks agoI'm alive this Sunday morning
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 24 Apr 2022 17:07:15 +0000 (10:07 -0700)]
I'm alive this Sunday morning

4 weeks agobacklog metablogging as a reminder that I'm alive
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 23 Apr 2022 22:51:30 +0000 (15:51 -0700)]
backlog metablogging as a reminder that I'm alive

4 weeks agodrafting "Taxonomy Is"/check in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 22 Apr 2022 19:49:08 +0000 (12:49 -0700)]
drafting "Taxonomy Is"/check in

5 weeks agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 21 Apr 2022 18:56:20 +0000 (11:56 -0700)]
check in

5 weeks agoCan GPT-3 explain what it did wrong?
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 18 Apr 2022 03:54:46 +0000 (20:54 -0700)]
Can GPT-3 explain what it did wrong?

5 weeks agocheck in (incl. GPT-3 guest post)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Apr 2022 15:18:41 +0000 (08:18 -0700)]
check in (incl. GPT-3 guest post)

5 weeks ago"Sexual Dimorphism" on About page
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Apr 2022 01:48:22 +0000 (18:48 -0700)]
"Sexual Dimorphism" on About page

I should have done this 11 months ago.

5 weeks agopublish "Student Dysphoria, and a Previous Life's War"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Apr 2022 01:47:01 +0000 (18:47 -0700)]
publish "Student Dysphoria, and a Previous Life's War"

This isn't my best work, but sometimes, you have to shove something
out the door.

5 weeks agolaziness spiral check in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 16 Apr 2022 05:07:06 +0000 (22:07 -0700)]
laziness spiral check in

6 weeks agopoke at "Student Dysphoria"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 14 Apr 2022 22:55:48 +0000 (15:55 -0700)]
poke at "Student Dysphoria"

Commit because I have an appointment to visit my mom, but I'd like to
tie off the conclusion and publish this tonight. It's not my snappiest
work, but it's better published than withheld.

6 weeks agomedian poke
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Tue, 12 Apr 2022 05:34:56 +0000 (22:34 -0700)]
median poke

6 weeks agomedianworld poke
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 11 Apr 2022 06:27:56 +0000 (23:27 -0700)]
medianworld poke

6 weeks agoSunday not-yet-into-gear poke at medianworld
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 11 Apr 2022 00:03:34 +0000 (17:03 -0700)]
Sunday not-yet-into-gear poke at medianworld

Still in a sadness-and-laziness spiral that's covered my extended
weekend.

6 weeks agoinit draft: medianworld post
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 10 Apr 2022 05:14:30 +0000 (22:14 -0700)]
init draft: medianworld post

I've been caught in a laziness-and-sadness-and-Super-Auto-Pets
loop lately; tomorrow I want to really get some stuff done

6 weeks agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 8 Apr 2022 22:48:11 +0000 (15:48 -0700)]
check in

2 months agodrafting "Useful Approximation": gravity analogy
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 26 Mar 2022 22:58:07 +0000 (15:58 -0700)]
drafting "Useful Approximation": gravity analogy

It's a clichéd example
(http://unremediatedgender.space/2017/Dec/interlude-xi/), but it makes
the point.

(And if I can write a paragraph in twenty minutes, then maybe I can
write all the things I still have left to say this year, twenty
minutes at a time.)

2 months agopoke (we're alive on Saturday)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 26 Mar 2022 22:34:56 +0000 (15:34 -0700)]
poke (we're alive on Saturday)

2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 26 Mar 2022 21:35:07 +0000 (14:35 -0700)]
check in

2 months agostart draft on two-type approximation
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 25 Mar 2022 07:06:09 +0000 (00:06 -0700)]
start draft on two-type approximation

2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 25 Mar 2022 01:01:38 +0000 (18:01 -0700)]
check in

2 months agopoke at "Student Dysphoria"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 21 Mar 2022 06:18:10 +0000 (23:18 -0700)]
poke at "Student Dysphoria"

2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 19 Mar 2022 17:28:01 +0000 (10:28 -0700)]
check in

2 months agopost-publication copy edits to "Challenges"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 18 Mar 2022 06:15:16 +0000 (23:15 -0700)]
post-publication copy edits to "Challenges"

Make potato singular, because only the singular French definite article is
gendered. (Thanks to commenter sf8764vrd5.)

pour → pore, provenance → province (Thanks to Alicorn.)

Less generous wordcount. (The Less Wrong wordcounter on the linkpost mirror
only calls this 11,800; Emacs M-= must be counting URL segments and such.)

Don't forget to link the "not the woke position" comment.

2 months agopull the trigger on "Challenges"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 13 Mar 2022 20:35:23 +0000 (13:35 -0700)]
pull the trigger on "Challenges"

2 months agoanother "Challenges" edit pass
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 13 Mar 2022 18:57:34 +0000 (11:57 -0700)]
another "Challenges" edit pass

I'm thinking of just pulling the trigger on this today, just as a
standalone object-level post. The meta-level intellectual dishonesty
arguments can wait; it will take more weeks or months for me to break
out of enough of my silencing spiral to finish the Whole Dumb Story.

I need the psychological momentum. This post (without the coda) is a
little bit mean to Yudkowsky, but not so mean that I'm too scared to
pull the trigger today, whereas with the coda, I would want to hire a
hostile prereader to make sure I'm not setting myself socially on
fire. (Yudkowsky was mean to Ngo and Shah in the recent MIRI
dialogues; I don't think this is worse than that.)

2 months agostill struggling with silencing chains
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 13 Mar 2022 05:47:06 +0000 (21:47 -0800)]
still struggling with silencing chains

I'm never going to be able to move on with my life until I finish
this; I keep repeatedly flip-flopping in my thinking of how to publish
and present it—a coda to "Challenges", or a full post that just goes
for the throat, or do I have to write the whole memoir? A lot of the
content I wrote for the original challenges coda is very good; I don't
want to have to drop it on the floor just because it's mean.

I need to spend time in a flow state where I'm just focused on
building the case against Big Yud as clearly as I can. I'll worry
about packaging it up later.

I've been so lazy lately (lots of TV and Super Auto Pets) because I've
been avoiding this, but I have to come around sometime.

2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 12 Mar 2022 18:18:29 +0000 (10:18 -0800)]
check in

2 months agoshovel into postscript
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 7 Mar 2022 17:38:03 +0000 (09:38 -0800)]
shovel into postscript

2 months agoshoveling to postscript, and remove duplicated section
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 7 Mar 2022 17:08:58 +0000 (09:08 -0800)]
shoveling to postscript, and remove duplicated section

I had like 4000 words double-pasted into the "sections" file!

2 months agocheck in: another weekend day wasted in paralysis
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 7 Mar 2022 05:48:02 +0000 (21:48 -0800)]
check in: another weekend day wasted in paralysis

It will never stop hurting until you write it down. Before pulling the
trigger on "Challenges", I want to write the short version (not the
"Hill of Validity" memoir-megapost) of my grievance against Yudkowsky,
in accordance with counsel's advice to go for the throat without
wasting wordcount, and have a hostile prereader look it over.

I haven't been motivated lately. Ever since the conversation at the
Independence Day party, I've felt like my life is over. The "sense of
foreshortened future" paper that Vassar likes to cite talks about
this. Maybe I should write a short meta post about that, to get me
unstuck?

Or is that another form of procrastination? Tomorrow morning I should
wake up early enough to take a direct swing at the "Challenges"
postscript before dayjobbing. I'll feel better after I do. And
tonight, this day that is already dead, I can watch an episode of
_Crazy Ex Girlfriend_ before sleep.

2 months agocheck in SI excerpts, full slug
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 6 Mar 2022 18:12:31 +0000 (10:12 -0800)]
check in SI excerpts, full slug

2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 4 Mar 2022 16:42:06 +0000 (08:42 -0800)]
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2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 4 Mar 2022 03:40:38 +0000 (19:40 -0800)]
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2 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 27 Feb 2022 20:01:22 +0000 (12:01 -0800)]
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3 months agopublish Amy Wax linkpost
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 24 Feb 2022 05:24:34 +0000 (21:24 -0800)]
publish Amy Wax linkpost

3 months agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 24 Feb 2022 05:22:28 +0000 (21:22 -0800)]
check in

3 months ago"Challenges" ispell pass
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 24 Feb 2022 04:41:21 +0000 (20:41 -0800)]
"Challenges" ispell pass

3 months ago"Challenges" edit pass
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 24 Feb 2022 04:30:05 +0000 (20:30 -0800)]
"Challenges" edit pass

3 months agoflip-flop on "Challenges" coda, again?!?
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Tue, 22 Feb 2022 14:41:43 +0000 (06:41 -0800)]
flip-flop on "Challenges" coda, again?!?

After pulling the trigger on posting something yesterday and getting a
fighty comment from Tail, I feel more alive than I have in months of
not-publishing. This makes me lean (again) towards publishing without
the coda. Maybe counsel is right that I'm being too timid—optimizing
for me having permssion to have said the thing, rather than being
heard. I had thought, then (though I may have been lying to myself),
that the solution was to finish the Whole Dumb Story first, so that I
could feel comfortable attacking.

But I don't think that's the right way for me to finish healing. I
think I need to pull the trigger on publishing something, and
finishing up the object-level is the right place to start.

3 months agocheck in after a disappointing day
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Tue, 22 Feb 2022 06:02:50 +0000 (22:02 -0800)]
check in after a disappointing day

Do you ever have one of those days where you just can't get started?!
And it's Presidents' Day! One would have hoped to make a lot of
progress given a whole extra day to oneself!

I guess I also did pretty poorly on Presidents' Day last year (commit
message "Presidential doldrums"), but I did well in 2020 ("Human
Diversity review Presidential sprint session" commits).

Has it been two years?? Time goes fast when you're old ...