+At this point, I was kind of tired and bored and wanted to go back to my hotel room and masturbate.
+
+But there was one last thing left to do at Fan Expo. I went to the vendor hall, stopped by a side table and wrote "unremediatedgender.space" on a strip of paper torn out from my Moleskine, then went back to the _TransCat_ table.
+
+I changed my mind, I said (about buying), where does the story start? The proprietor said that Issue 1 was sold out, but that the book Vol. 1 (compiling the first 6 issues plus some bonus content) was available for $25. I'll take it, I said enthusiastically.
+
+And then—there wouldn't be any _good_ way to bring up the thing, except that I felt that I had to try and that I was paying $25 for the privilege—I said awkwardly that I was—disappointed, that our Society had settled on a "trans women are women" narrative. The proprietor said something about there being more enthusiasm in 2016, but that coming back to conventions after COVID, public opinion seems colder now, that she was worried.
+
+I asked if she had heard of the concept of "autogynephilia." She hadn't.
+
+The proprietor asked if I would like the book signed. I agreed, then hesitated when asked my name. Sensing my discomfort, the proprietor clarified, "Who should I make it out to?"
+
+I said, "Ensign Sylvia Tilly, U.S.S. _Discovery_."
+
+"Sylvia Tilly! Keep on exploring the final frontier," says the autograph.
+
+Sensing that there really was no way to cross the [inferential distance](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/HLqWn5LASfhhArZ7w/expecting-short-inferential-distances) over a transaction in the vendor hall, I said that I had some contrarian opinions, and that I had a blog, handing the proprietor the slip of paper before taking my leave. (As if implicitly proposing a trade, I thought: I'll read yours if you read mine.)
+
+I walked back to my hotel room to get out the uncomfortable costume—but not fully out of costume, not immediately. I had packed a hand mirror in my backpack the previous night, so that I could look at my masked face while lying in bed. I appreciated the way the mask really does look "female"; the illusion doesn't depend on a wig to provide the gendered cue of long hair. (Of course; I have long hair in real life.)
+
+I swear it looks worse in photographs than it does in the mirror! Gazing into the hand mirror while feeling up the weight of my size-7 breastforms, it was almost possible to pretend that I was admiring flesh instead of silicone—almost possible to imagine what it would be like to have been transformed into a woman with a shaved head (surely a lesbian) and DD breasts.
+
+"Almost" might be an overstatement.
+
+I often like masturbating into a condom (no mess, no stress!), but catching the cum with toilet paper works fine, too.
+
+---------