-[TODO:
- * third bluebook didn't get a response
- * I was feeling kind of glum about my poor performance; I had reasons that made sense to me for why I said the things I said, but that _wasn't what I was being tested on_; I definitely _didn't_ say "Nothing, because Big Yud and Linta are lying liars who hate truth"; I moped in Alicorner #drama
- * Big Yud saw it (I know this because he left an emoji react in the relevant section of messages) and took pity on me
-]
+The outcome was—silence. No response from Yudkowsky in several days. Maybe I shouldn't have ran with my Original Seeing answer? I showed the transcripts to a friend, who compared my answer about consequentialist gods to including a list of your country's war crimes in a high school essay assignment about patriotism; I had done a terrible job of emitting symbols that made me a good monkey, and a mediocre-at-best job of flipping the table (rejecting Yudkowsky's "pass my test before I recognize your criticism as legitimate" game) and picking a fight instead.
+
+("Don't look at me," he added, "I would've flipped the table at the beginning.")
+
+I tried to explain that my third answer wasn't _just_ doubling down on my previous thesis: "my virtue ethics run against the grain of the hidden Bayesian structure of reality" wasn't an argument _in favor of_ my virtue ethics. My friend wasn't buying it; I still hadn't been fulfilling the original prompt.
+
+He had me there. I had no more excuses after that: I had apparently failed the test. I was feeling pretty glum about this, and lamented my poor performance in the `#drama` channel of another Discord server (that Yudkowsky was also a member of). I had thought I was doing okay—I definitely _didn't_ say, "That's impossible because Big Yud and Linta are lying liars who hate Truth", and there were reasons why my Original Seeing answer made sense _to me_ as a thing to say, but _that wasn't what I was being tested on_. It _genuinely_ looked bad in context. I had failed in [my ambition to know how it looks](/2022/context-is-for-queens/#knowing-how-that-looks).
+
+I think Yudkowsky saw the #drama messages (he left an emoji-reaction in the relevant timespan of messages) and took pity on me.
+
+[TODO: summarize teacher feedback]
+
+[TODO: summarize my admitting that it did have something to do with my state of mind; I would have done better by giving the 11th grade English class algorithm more compute; Peranza's username was 'not-looking-there'!; proposed revision]
+
+[TODO: C.S. Lewis speech]
+
+I said that I thought it was significant that the particular problem to which my Art had been shaped (in some ways) and misshaped (in others) wasn't just a matter of people being imperfect. Someone at the 2021 Event Horizon Independence Day party had told me that people couldn't respond to my arguments because of the obvious political incentives. And I guessed—the angry question I wanted to ask, since I didn't immediately know how to rephrase it to not be doing the angry monkey thing was, was I supposed to _take that lying down?_
+
+**Eliezer** — 12/17/2022 5:50 PM
+you sure are supposed to not get angry at the people who didn't create those political punishments
+that's insane
+they're living in Cheliax and you want them to behave like they're not in Cheliax and get arrested by the Church
+your issue is with Asmodeus. take it to Him, and if you can't take Him down then don't blame others who can't do that either.