Ultimately_Untrue_Thought.git
2 years agolong confrontation 2: still in December 2018 emails
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 22 Jul 2022 22:04:59 +0000 (15:04 -0700)]
long confrontation 2: still in December 2018 emails

The next box on the scratcher is a "BELL" bell symbol.

2 years agolong confrontation 1: begging Alexander December 2018
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 22 Jul 2022 20:31:05 +0000 (13:31 -0700)]
long confrontation 1: begging Alexander December 2018

It's okay to leave TODOs on a first pass, as long as we're ploughing
forward in the ms.

The lower-left box on my "Electric 8's" scratcher revealed a "ROLL"
roll-of-bills symbol.

2 years agocheck in from blob day ... and a half
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 22 Jul 2022 15:37:40 +0000 (08:37 -0700)]
check in from blob day ... and a half

Okay, yesterday I picked up my car from the shop and bought groceries,
and then just hung out all day. (It took a bit longer to turn off the
phone and laptop, even if I pulled the desktop network cable in the
morning.) But today, and tomorrow, and Sunday is time to do a lot of
memoiring! I got an "Electric 8's" lotto scratcher with 15 boxes on
the play area. 15 writing blocks between today and tomorrow? (Scratch
a box after a work block, to tell your brain you're on the right track
to riches.) My behavior from Sunday the 17th suggests that should be
an eminently achievable goal.

... and then today, I still, just, didn't want to get started. I
played Solitaire and turned on my phone to play Super Auto Pets. But
now the phone is off! Those 15 boxes are still in sight (7 today, 8
tomorrow, and then I will bask in feeling like a person, feeling like
an agent, deserving dessert).

2 years agocheck in before a long confrontation
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 21 Jul 2022 15:47:40 +0000 (08:47 -0700)]
check in before a long confrontation

I actually got some traction on the memoir megapost on Sunday. If I
could replicate that performance for several days straight, I would
actually be on track to return to life. Pull the network cable.

2 years agoimportant word: "necessarily"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 21 Jul 2022 05:50:19 +0000 (22:50 -0700)]
important word: "necessarily"

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 6: happy price II
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 18 Jul 2022 02:13:29 +0000 (19:13 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 6: happy price II

Okay. This hasn't been super-great, but I'm back on track to being
alive. I deserve my network/phone/food for the day.

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 5: drib about Nov. 2018 email
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 18 Jul 2022 01:23:37 +0000 (18:23 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 5: drib about Nov. 2018 email

Even after reviewing the emails and having a skeleton, this is so hard
to write! It's late enough in the day that I think I can turn my
phone/network back on after I squeeze out one more block. It hasn't
been a great day, but I think I deserve a food reward.

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation: review emails through 19 December 2018
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 23:37:52 +0000 (16:37 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation: review emails through 19 December 2018

There's a lot of good content in these emails! For the email-dense
parts of the story, I'm thinking that an easy and high-quality way to
write this memoir is to just—summarize the emails!

I guess I had been thinking that this wasn't an option, because I'm
not allowed to talk about Yudkowsky's responses to us because of
privacy constraints? But our coordination group also had a lot of
interesting "What is wrong with our thoughts" discussion; it's more
interesting to be in the mode of telling the Whole Dumb Story as a
story, rather being hyperfocused on brining a fraud case against
Yudkowsky. (It's a story _about_ bringing a fraud case, but a story
first and foremost.)

Paraphrasing emails also solves a couple other writing problems. I
wasn't sure how to balance between "narrating what happened" and
"talking about ideas". (Theorizing about the state of "the community"
needs to be part of the memoir, but it's not bound to a particular
time as something that happened.) But if all the important ideas were
talked about in emails, that naturally binds them to an event in the
narrative. Or commentary on the Emperor Norton example—where would
that fit, exactly, if it's a little too chunky for my initial
discussion of the categories issue? It fits where I told Scott about
it.

I also don't like my current characterization of the "Hill of Meaning"
thread: partially because my anger at Yudkowsky's dishonesty is
leaking through in an anachronistic way, and partially because I'm so
sick of explaining this over and over again that I can't even muster
up the energy for precise criticism. I think if I rewrite that whole
section based on my January 2019 re-salvo email, it'll be much better.

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 4: pass through thread characterization
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 21:31:29 +0000 (14:31 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 4: pass through thread characterization

That section is going to need a lot of editing—maybe a full second
draft—in addition to filling in the empirical details about
sports. But for my confrontation Sunday, it's more important that I
press onward now to the part documented by emails.

(I haven't even re-read the emails yet, as if I'm scared, as if I'm
hurt—it might be worth crediting an entire 20-minute block, not to
write, but just to read the emails following from 28 November.)

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 3: not the crux
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 18:52:48 +0000 (11:52 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 3: not the crux

(Are these tiny 20-minute commits silly? Doesn't matter—we're not
going to run out of commits; if my Git repository slows down,
I'll—I'll buy a new computer! That's how much it's worth keeping the
momentum today.)

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 2: tweet tweet
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 18:11:31 +0000 (11:11 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 2: tweet tweet

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation 1: pass over existing text
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 16:35:47 +0000 (09:35 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation 1: pass over existing text

2 years agocheck in before a confrontation
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 17 Jul 2022 15:33:31 +0000 (08:33 -0700)]
check in before a confrontation

Another long weekend of laziness. I could excuse Thursday and maybe
even Friday, but the fact that I couldn't get started yesterday is
beyond the pale. Beyond the pail, the bucket which I kick at the
moment of death. Yesterday, I finally got so fed up with myself that I
cleaned the kitchen—just to escape the trap, just to remember that
doing things feels better than not doing things.

I went to bed early, and slept a lot, and masturbated about being
transformed into a doppelgänger of Melissa McCarthy and ejaculated
into an N95 facemask. Now it's Sunday morning, I'm at my desktop,
conditional optimal, and it should be clear to everyone that if I
can't make progress on this memoir now (the memoir in the worktree,
not these procrastinatory pseudo-Diary commit messages), then I'll
never, ever finish.

Just—look at the document—even spend an entire block just looking at
the emails, which I've been afraid to look at, even though this is all
years in the past and I was somehow brave enough to write them at the
time—and think, honestly. Document why, after all these years, I still
have a right to be angry. (My life for ire!)

Say I can reward myself with a croissant (if I do well in the next
hour) or beef fried rice (if I do good all day). I told Mom I'd call
her in the evening.

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 16 Jul 2022 05:43:04 +0000 (22:43 -0700)]
check in

2 years agoSunday memoir confrontation
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 11 Jul 2022 00:29:58 +0000 (17:29 -0700)]
Sunday memoir confrontation

This isn't much in terms of wordcount, but at least I'm engaging with
the document: if I just keep doing this (but better) every non-dayjob
day, I can finish this on the timescale of months.

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 9 Jul 2022 23:22:38 +0000 (16:22 -0700)]
check in

2 years agopoke at "Friendship Practices"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 9 Jul 2022 23:11:30 +0000 (16:11 -0700)]
poke at "Friendship Practices"

2 years agoedit pass and publish "Useful Approximation"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 9 Jul 2022 01:03:07 +0000 (18:03 -0700)]
edit pass and publish "Useful Approximation"

2 years agotie off "Useful Approximation" draft
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 4 Jul 2022 18:25:07 +0000 (11:25 -0700)]
tie off "Useful Approximation" draft

I'm not sure how I want to do the quantitative modeling part. Maybe it
doesn't need to be in this post? I'll email Tail with the draft, and
my amusing observation about prior and likelihood canceling, and let
him judge me.

2 years agodrafting "Useful Approximation" up to numerical envelope
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 4 Jul 2022 05:43:08 +0000 (22:43 -0700)]
drafting "Useful Approximation" up to numerical envelope

I just think I need one mathy graf and one conclusion graf, and then
I'm ready to get this eviscerated by Tailcalled.

2 years agoSunday spiritual strength 3: triple tap
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 3 Jul 2022 23:31:22 +0000 (16:31 -0700)]
Sunday spiritual strength 3: triple tap

Even if this is still not the memoir, it's better than nothing, better
than wallowing in pleasure and full avoidance, even if this be a
lesser form of avoidance

2 years agoSunday spiritual strength 2: double tap
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 3 Jul 2022 22:54:37 +0000 (15:54 -0700)]
Sunday spiritual strength 2: double tap

2 years agoSunday spiritual strength 1: tap at two-types draft
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 3 Jul 2022 22:28:04 +0000 (15:28 -0700)]
Sunday spiritual strength 1: tap at two-types draft

Even if it's not the memoir, it's vital that I keep moving—keep moving
at any cost for a few hours, so that I remember what it's like to be
alive

2 years agostill spiritually blocked ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 3 Jul 2022 21:24:04 +0000 (14:24 -0700)]
still spiritually blocked ...

Some part of me just really doesn't want to look. Yesterday was
trash. Today, I managed to look at the ms. for a full twenty-minute
block after showering ... and then, my brain interpreted at as my good
deed for the day. I played some Warmux and AisleRiot Solitaire
variants (games already on my machine, whose network cable is out).

How can I remember that I'll feel better after I write something? Just
a few hours, and I can order food as a reward. Don't even think about
publishing, yet—for now, I'm just getting the Whole Dumb Story
straight in my head—it's okay to be sloppy, it's okay to have TODO
gaps, as long as something, anything is getting put into a growing
ms. The only thing that's not okay is not-writing.

2 years agocheck in—first of July
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 1 Jul 2022 16:35:11 +0000 (09:35 -0700)]
check in—first of July

I actually have a five-day weekend—my usual cushy four, plus
Independence Day. I spent yesterday being netsick, and in the morning
I saw on Twitter Google has a new finetuned language model that broke
50% on a math-problem benchmark, which superforecasters had expected
to happen in 2025. So much can happen three years ahead of
schedule—and it's also equally possible to waste three years; there's
no fundamental reason I couldn't have written my Whole Dumb Story in
2019 and moved on. Instead—you know, the other day at my dayjob, I got
stuck in a Yudkowsky-hate loop again.

Independence Day will be the aniversary of the time I talked to him at
the Independence Day party last year, and had my heart
broken. It—hasn't really been a very productive year? I still have
lots of stuff to do and to write—it just hasn't been appealing on a
moment-to-moment level, compared to Super Auto Pets?

How do I escape this trap? I pulled my network cable out yesterday,
but today I've just been lazy on my phone. If I could get three and a
half solid days of writing in with the network cable out—just forget
that there is a Twitter with scary ML announcements and shrink my
world—

Then today I re-watched half an original series episode, skim-re-read
John Scalzi's _Redshirts_, and now my phone is off. I can turn my
phone on again Sunday night to order food, if I get enough
memoir-writing done tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday—just the memoir; I
can't afford to dilute my attention with AI stuff or correspondence
that I "should" be writing for dignity points ... I told you, I told
the blog, that I have to Believe that my Story matters.

2 years agoBailey's new AGP-in-women study is out
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 30 Jun 2022 16:54:27 +0000 (09:54 -0700)]
Bailey's new AGP-in-women study is out

There's a tempURL share link, but no truly ungated version. This makes
me think that I should write my response to Scott as a separate post
after all—the impulse to shove it into the megapost was born of
"wanting to be done"—but we've established that that's not the right
way to think of it.

2 years ago"A Hill" tap, shovel
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 27 Jun 2022 00:17:02 +0000 (17:17 -0700)]
"A Hill" tap, shovel

2 years agoSunday afternoon renewal 2: stitching "A Hill" (pt. 3) intro
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 26 Jun 2022 23:37:33 +0000 (16:37 -0700)]
Sunday afternoon renewal 2: stitching "A Hill" (pt. 3) intro

2 years agoSunday afternoon renewal 1: shoveling at "A Hill" (pt. 3) intro
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 26 Jun 2022 22:02:08 +0000 (15:02 -0700)]
Sunday afternoon renewal 1: shoveling at "A Hill" (pt. 3) intro

2 years agotap/shovel "A Hill"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 26 Jun 2022 21:37:01 +0000 (14:37 -0700)]
tap/shovel "A Hill"

How do I get out of this rut?

2 years agofresh recap/intro to "A Hill" (as pt. 3)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 26 Jun 2022 00:52:14 +0000 (17:52 -0700)]
fresh recap/intro to "A Hill" (as pt. 3)

Been really struggling with motivation today, but I'm here now—even if
I can just be here for an hour and remember what I'm fighting for,
that's something.

2 years agopublish "An Egoist Faith"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 25 Jun 2022 00:50:46 +0000 (17:50 -0700)]
publish "An Egoist Faith"

2 years agodrafting "An Egoist Faith"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 24 Jun 2022 23:29:20 +0000 (16:29 -0700)]
drafting "An Egoist Faith"

2 years agocheck in: back to it
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 24 Jun 2022 17:35:09 +0000 (10:35 -0700)]
check in: back to it

I got psychologically stalled last weekend? I can't explain it. But if
I have a good day today (writing punctuated by chores, maybe a takeout
reward if I succeed), then I won't need to explain.

2 years agoSaturday night despair
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 19 Jun 2022 06:56:57 +0000 (23:56 -0700)]
Saturday night despair

What's wrong with me? Why don't I want to write? But I need to finish
the Whole Dumb Story before the world ends—I have to see it through!

Will I remember tomorrow that I want to live?

2 years agodrafting "Useful Approximation"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 19 Jun 2022 01:02:21 +0000 (18:02 -0700)]
drafting "Useful Approximation"

Still haven't captured the fury today. I'm not proud that I reached
the point of pulling out my network cable again, rather than being
strong enough to function without it. Still, even though it's 18, it
seems plausible that I'll be able to finish a draft of this tonight
(including some numerical simulation), to dispatch for Tail's review
tomorrow evening (after I plug my network cable back in).

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 17 Jun 2022 18:31:17 +0000 (11:31 -0700)]
check in

2 years agothinking again that the Whole Dumb Story should be two posts
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 16 Jun 2022 21:15:57 +0000 (14:15 -0700)]
thinking again that the Whole Dumb Story should be two posts

The split between pt. 2 and pt. 3 should be "mostly" chronological,
but actually be by topic: pt. 2, "Blanchard's Dangerous Idea", is
about my war with the rats about AGP, and then pt. 3, "A Hill of
Validity", is about the Category War. (Pt. 1 was "Sexual Dimorphism.")

My response to Scott Alexander on autogenderphilia can go into the
discussion of evidence in Pt. 2 because that's where it fits
topically, even though it comes later chronologically. (It makes sense
to fold it into the Whole Dumb Story, because my actual crux relies on
illegible evidence, which is why it was so hard to draft the
standalone response.)

(Re-)splitting it out like this makes it clear how little actual
progress I've made on assembling the ms. for Pt. 3, which is supposed
to be the important part (although I do have a lot of notes and
section blocks).

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 16 Jun 2022 19:12:29 +0000 (12:12 -0700)]
check in

2 years agotypo: "more smarter"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 13 Jun 2022 03:25:13 +0000 (20:25 -0700)]
typo: "more smarter"

2 years agopublish "Comment on a Scene"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 13 Jun 2022 03:00:40 +0000 (20:00 -0700)]
publish "Comment on a Scene"

2 years agotweaks to "Comment on a Scene" in reaction to Ilzo's comments
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 13 Jun 2022 02:42:11 +0000 (19:42 -0700)]
tweaks to "Comment on a Scene" in reaction to Ilzo's comments

2 years agocomplete draft (and retitle) "Comment on a Scene"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 13 Jun 2022 00:39:20 +0000 (17:39 -0700)]
complete draft (and retitle) "Comment on a Scene"

2 years agodrafting "Worldbuilding": everyday base rates (sex stereotypes)
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 12 Jun 2022 22:02:57 +0000 (15:02 -0700)]
drafting "Worldbuilding": everyday base rates (sex stereotypes)

2 years agofill in and rework intro to "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 12 Jun 2022 01:28:45 +0000 (18:28 -0700)]
fill in and rework intro to "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"

We need to acknowledge the "measurements screen off demographic
categories" point first, before we move on to explain the "... but
Bayesian reasoning still works on demographic categories" thing. As
originally written, I'd expect people to get angry and stop reading
before I addressed the point two grafs later.

I somewhat regret the jab at Yudkowsky and his "rationalists" getting
cut in the shuffle, but it's probably for the best.

2 years agoharvesting email/Messenger quotes/notes for memoir: Feb/Mar 2016
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 12 Jun 2022 00:52:59 +0000 (17:52 -0700)]
harvesting email/Messenger quotes/notes for memoir: Feb/Mar 2016

... just looking through my Sent folder to reconstruct what was
happening in February/March.

2 years agodraft "Worldbuilding": problems with STR criterion, remaining TODO grafs
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 11 Jun 2022 19:00:26 +0000 (12:00 -0700)]
draft "Worldbuilding": problems with STR criterion, remaining TODO grafs

2 years agodrafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 11 Jun 2022 05:42:22 +0000 (22:42 -0700)]
drafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"

2 years agoprefer 0x2212 MINUS SIGN to 0x2D HYPHEN-MINUS
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 10 Jun 2022 22:17:52 +0000 (15:17 -0700)]
prefer 0x2212 MINUS SIGN to 0x2D HYPHEN-MINUS

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 10 Jun 2022 21:43:25 +0000 (14:43 -0700)]
check in

It's so easy to just not-get-started on a day when you don't have
obligations. I've known about this forever (since there was a thing as
summer vacation). But you can always choose to start now.

2 years agodrafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 9 Jun 2022 22:04:40 +0000 (15:04 -0700)]
drafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding"

2 years agodrafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding": It's Just Bayes
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 9 Jun 2022 18:07:17 +0000 (11:07 -0700)]
drafting "Consilient Cultural Worldbuilding": It's Just Bayes

2 years agoinspiration on where the Mad Investor Chaos draft is going
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 9 Jun 2022 15:19:30 +0000 (08:19 -0700)]
inspiration on where the Mad Investor Chaos draft is going

2 years agopoke at Mad Investor Chaos criticism
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Wed, 8 Jun 2022 15:10:30 +0000 (08:10 -0700)]
poke at Mad Investor Chaos criticism

2 years agodrafting Mad Investor Chaos criticism post
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Wed, 8 Jun 2022 07:32:50 +0000 (00:32 -0700)]
drafting Mad Investor Chaos criticism post

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Wed, 8 Jun 2022 01:06:16 +0000 (18:06 -0700)]
check in

2 years agoSunday detour 6: squirrel!
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 6 Jun 2022 00:39:55 +0000 (17:39 -0700)]
Sunday detour 6: squirrel!

When I glanced at the blog comments on my phone, Interstice said that
he (realistically _he_, but if not, I want to marry her) wanted to see
the story about the friendly squirrels.

This (which has no excuse taking more than an hour to finish and shove
out the door) has actually been sitting in my drafts since the
beginning of the blog more than five years ago! People really mostly
don't do things!

2 years agocheck in ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 23:22:10 +0000 (16:22 -0700)]
check in ...

Looking over my email "Sent" folder, I feel a lot of reluctance and
pain to relive this. I think it makes sense to use the timer to force
myself to do a first-pass outline of the historical points to hit. A
more detailed outline than the 10 TODOs I have at the end of the file
might be easier to fill in after they exist? 40 TODOs rather than
10. Chain-of-thought prompting.

2 years agoSunday attack 5: so many broken promises
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 22:14:00 +0000 (15:14 -0700)]
Sunday attack 5: so many broken promises

OK, I turned on my phone to call my mother about visiting tonight (at
19, after today's successful—don't you dare suggest it isn't—writing
marathon), and then I got lost peeking at Twitter.

Checking in an ancillary page about the hash-promise I broke seems
thematic. (Breaking the convention of not mentioning my real name on
the blog is not unprecedented in ancillary content as opposed to the
main text, and I want the hash to validate.)

Let's keep the momentum going for a few hours!!

2 years agoSunday retreat 4: religion, privacy
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 19:14:27 +0000 (12:14 -0700)]
Sunday retreat 4: religion, privacy

2 years agoSunday retreat 3: religion
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 17:46:50 +0000 (10:46 -0700)]
Sunday retreat 3: religion

2 years agoSunday retreat 2: chessboard, Pearl
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 16:52:19 +0000 (09:52 -0700)]
Sunday retreat 2: chessboard, Pearl

Feeling ambivalent about how much cussing to do (it's impure, but it
conveys a punch).

I paced outside in the rain a bit and peeked at Moravec, but mostly,
we've got to keep the momentum going while it's still morning!—let's
leave this scraps aside and push ahead on the main ms.

2 years agoSunday retreat 1: God-shaped hole, Pearl's authority
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 14:16:51 +0000 (07:16 -0700)]
Sunday retreat 1: God-shaped hole, Pearl's authority

2 years agocheck in before a productive Sunday?! Not lying??
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 13:41:35 +0000 (06:41 -0700)]
check in before a productive Sunday?! Not lying??

Even with the network cable out all day yesterday, I still found ways
to betray my responsibility, what I have to do while there's still
time. Today ...?

2 years agoSaturday evening retreat 2: simulation hypotheses
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 00:36:22 +0000 (17:36 -0700)]
Saturday evening retreat 2: simulation hypotheses

2 years agoSaturday evening retreat 1: re-org first Yudkowsky meet §
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 5 Jun 2022 00:09:36 +0000 (17:09 -0700)]
Saturday evening retreat 1: re-org first Yudkowsky meet §

It's so hard to get started—but now that I am started (far too late in
the day), I just have to keep rolling, and then keep rolling more
tomorrow (still with the network cable out), and then I'll be able to
meet my mom for Star Trek tomorrow evening. (I also told my roomie I
would go to the store tonight and get milk, but first—more writing!)

2 years agocheck in "Interlude XXII"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 4 Jun 2022 23:24:50 +0000 (16:24 -0700)]
check in "Interlude XXII"

Found this while looking at my emails—somehow I never blogged it at
the time? Maybe I didn't want to use the word "rationalist"?

2 years agodawdling check in ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 4 Jun 2022 20:24:29 +0000 (13:24 -0700)]
dawdling check in ...

Okay, even with the network cable out, it looks like it's easy to
dawdle. (Either by just hanging out and thinking, or by looking at
paper books: Hans Moravec and Bill Amend as a reminder that I Love the
'90s.) To actually make this weekend retreat meaningful, I guess I'm
going to have to resort to the crutch of a timer?

2 years ago"A Hill" Saturday retreat: Moldbug explainer
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 4 Jun 2022 19:09:05 +0000 (12:09 -0700)]
"A Hill" Saturday retreat: Moldbug explainer

2 years agocheck in before a productive Saturday
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 4 Jun 2022 16:28:06 +0000 (09:28 -0700)]
check in before a productive Saturday

I was supposed to have a productive no-net writing day yesterday but
then I wasted it being emotionally trashed; I felt bad about a comment
I wrote on Less Wrong that felt possibly too petty or off-topic—but I
had to speak, because Paul Christiano was saying he should back off of
responding to Yudkowsky's bluster, and I didn't want Christiano to
back down.

So I visited Valinor and played with Cimorene a bit, and watched the
body-swapping episode of _Star Trek: Voyager_ that I hadn't already
seen because I had thought it was just swapper-as-Paris (as contrasted
to the Doctor-as-Seven episode that I had of course already seen
twice), but Janeway's Memory Alpha page said she was played once by
Robert Duncan McNeil, so of course I had to see this one if it had
cross-gender swaps!! (It turned out that the swapper-as-female-alien
part was sexier than the swapper-as-Janeway/Janeway-as-Paris part.)

But today I'm not trashed anymore—my comment got 16 karma—and my
network is out and my phone is off, so I'm just going to make progress
on this memoir all day! It's not hard—there are already sections where
I know what I want to say (on misrepresentation of the Light, on
trust, on Moldbug), so I just need to sit down and convert thought to
text and keep doing that all day.

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 3 Jun 2022 20:13:30 +0000 (13:13 -0700)]
check in

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Tue, 31 May 2022 06:52:27 +0000 (23:52 -0700)]
check in

2 years agomemorial 2: finish pseudonymity aside
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Tue, 31 May 2022 02:26:52 +0000 (19:26 -0700)]
memorial 2: finish pseudonymity aside

2 years agomemorial 1: joke pseudonymity
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 30 May 2022 23:48:03 +0000 (16:48 -0700)]
memorial 1: joke pseudonymity

2 years agocheck in before Memorial Day afternoon/evening
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 30 May 2022 22:23:56 +0000 (15:23 -0700)]
check in before Memorial Day afternoon/evening

I guess I'm going to dayjob Tue.–Thu. this week because of Memorial
Day?  I've been pretty lazy today, and it's already 1600. But that
doesn't mean the day's a waste. If I put in a few solid hours, I'll be
able to feel good about myself—don't I remember how that felt
yesterday?

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 8: happy price I
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 30 May 2022 01:04:06 +0000 (18:04 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 8: happy price I

Okay—this has actually been a respectable writing day (I think the
ms. grew by a little under 1K words). I just need to do this four days
a week, and then I'll feel better about my life.

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 7: nothing to do with gender, happy price I
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 30 May 2022 00:32:12 +0000 (17:32 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 7: nothing to do with gender, happy price I

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 6: meeting my trans widow friend
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 22:53:53 +0000 (15:53 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 6: meeting my trans widow friend

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 5: finish § on doubting the Egregore
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 21:22:43 +0000 (14:22 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 5: finish § on doubting the Egregore

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 4: theological doubts
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 20:01:27 +0000 (13:01 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 4: theological doubts

Basically no net wordcount here, but deleting bracketed scratch words
and replacing them with the same amount of words actually integrated
into the ms. is real (slow) progress.

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal 3: weaving in the Moldbug "ignoble privilege" bit
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 19:33:42 +0000 (12:33 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal 3: weaving in the Moldbug "ignoble privilege" bit

I was silently dreading recounting my first contact with Yudkowsky,
but this is actually a good place to fit in the NRx stuff; I can craft
that in first. Forward steps, forward progress—

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal of fortune session 2: aside on naming choices
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 18:50:11 +0000 (11:50 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal of fortune session 2: aside on naming choices

This is kind of a big paragraph, but if I make it one paragraph and
put it in parentheses, I think that telegraphs that it's relatively
unimportant and the reader can skip it?

Putting multiple paragraphs in single paren-pair would be an
abomination, and I think multiple paragraphs each separately
parenthesized looks weird—I did do that once in "Sexual Dimorphism",
but it felt like it fit there.

If I were big into graphic design instead of only a little into
graphic design, I might make a sidebar? I think this is fine. (I think
I have much more important problems, like finishing this dumb memoir
before the world ends.)

2 years agoSunday leaf reversal session 1: I am rude, but for reasons
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 29 May 2022 18:10:00 +0000 (11:10 -0700)]
Sunday leaf reversal session 1: I am rude, but for reasons

My Thursday got eaten up by yet another Discord argument, which I can
forgive. (Why do we bother?—but I think we are making progress, on the
timescale of years.) But then Friday–Saturday were so lazy overall! (I
did fit in 800 words of commentary on a Bostrom article, including
this morning but it's really not much—not enough.)

Today—my internet is off, my phone is off, and I'll be able to feel
good about myself (and go visit my mother and watch Star Trek this
evening) if I just get some hours of solid memoir-writing in today! We
need to finish this memoir and get it in the language-model training
corpuses before the world ends—that should be motivating.

2 years agocheck in
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 28 May 2022 00:31:27 +0000 (17:31 -0700)]
check in

2 years ago"personal identity" anchor in "Sexual Dimorphism"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 26 May 2022 18:12:04 +0000 (11:12 -0700)]
"personal identity" anchor in "Sexual Dimorphism"

2 years ago"look like an Oliver" anchor link
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Thu, 26 May 2022 02:46:50 +0000 (19:46 -0700)]
"look like an Oliver" anchor link

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 6: recapping the "ignoble privilege" argument
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 02:01:49 +0000 (19:01 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 6: recapping the "ignoble privilege" argument

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 5 ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 01:24:11 +0000 (18:24 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 5 ...

2 years agocheck in of sadness ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Mon, 23 May 2022 00:19:47 +0000 (17:19 -0700)]
check in of sadness ...

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 4: I would have expected ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 22:22:52 +0000 (15:22 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 4: I would have expected ...

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 3: port "male celebrity" anecdote commentary
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 21:06:50 +0000 (14:06 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 3: port "male celebrity" anecdote commentary

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 2: Thellim § cont'd
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 19:04:53 +0000 (12:04 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 2: Thellim § cont'd

2 years agoSunday life-seeking sprint 1: poke at Thellim §
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 18:27:47 +0000 (11:27 -0700)]
Sunday life-seeking sprint 1: poke at Thellim §

2 years agocheck in before Sunday sprint
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 17:18:18 +0000 (10:18 -0700)]
check in before Sunday sprint

2 years ago"Gayjar Jamming": the gut suspects measurement error
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 03:32:25 +0000 (20:32 -0700)]
"Gayjar Jamming": the gut suspects measurement error

2 years agofinish and publish "Gaydar Jamming"
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sun, 22 May 2022 01:13:06 +0000 (18:13 -0700)]
finish and publish "Gaydar Jamming"

2 years agoFriday redemption block 6: Thellim follow-on ...
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 21 May 2022 01:24:11 +0000 (18:24 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 6: Thellim follow-on ...

It's been a pretty mediocre writing day, and I said I would visit my
mother this evening. But it was better than yesterday; I just need to
keep stepping forwards.

2 years agoFriday redemption block 5: Thellim's horror
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Sat, 21 May 2022 00:42:44 +0000 (17:42 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 5: Thellim's horror

2 years agoFriday redemption block 4: capstone
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 23:29:42 +0000 (16:29 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 4: capstone

2 years agoFriday redemption block 3: refining my appeal to Scripture
M. Taylor Saotome-Westlake [Fri, 20 May 2022 22:00:27 +0000 (15:00 -0700)]
Friday redemption block 3: refining my appeal to Scripture